“I realize now that I do not have to hurt, I do not have to be afraid.”

Jessie collapsed into the couch of my office more despondent than normal.  To say that life was easy of good for her would be a lie.  A miserable childhood with emotional and mental abuse, horrific things done right in front of her, and rejection in later life had created an introverted recluse, longing for any connection and any one to care and love her.  To say that she was depressed would be an understatement.  To say that there had been very few days without rain and even fewer moment of sunshine in her life would be closer to the truth.  But this day was different.  This day I was grasping for anything that would help snap her back to a place of hope and a place of desire to continue on.  I was afraid that I was looking at her for the last time I might ever see her.  Thankfully I found the crack in the fabric that allowed me to slow the downward spiral and postpone for a time the desire to end it all.

Perhaps no other condition is a pervasive and yet as unseen as depression.  It is one of the most misunderstood issues that humans face.  Having dealt with depression myself, counseled with clients, and seen amazing break throughs into a world of clarity and hope, I think I know something on the subject.  I have experienced the jitters and the confusion that comes from the medication.  I have seen the despair and hopelessness.  I have read, studied, written about, spoken on, and counseled about the subject (and seen the many who don’t realize they are depressed or denying that there is an option posting away in blogs and on Facebook). The flow of depressed and hopeless clients  seems to never end.    

If we are to believe the afternoon and late night T.V. commercials, the only way out of the fog and confusion of depression is a pill that will bring with it - weight gain, low sex drive, and possible heart conditions - all of which are symptoms of depression itself.  But more on the symptoms later.  Our medical doctors and many counseling professionals are convinced that the only avenue out of depressions debilitating hold is a pill, or series of pills one to counter the effects of the other.  Or worse, the “Get Over It” therapy method.  Few actually stop to look at the root and cause of depression as a symptom itself and not the actual disease or disorder. Yes, you heard me right.  Depression is in many respects the symptom and NOT the disease.  In fact, depression is a natural, effective, and needed emotional state.  We need it.  And, unfortunately for many, they need it more than most. 

Jessie had spent years in counseling before I met her.  A good friend and fellow like minded therapist had referred her to me when he moved his practice and the agency where she had been getting services changed their focus.  She had been in and out of the behavioral health center here before I met her and had just recently spent a week there when she came to me.  Much of what we did in the beginning was sit.  She needed a safe place where she could shut out the world and shut out her inner world.  I would watch as she slowly walked into my office, head always down, hair rarely combed.  She would curl up on the couch and hide deep beneath the blanket I keep for use during brainwave balancing sessions.  In that cocoon she could slowly begin to tell me of the horrors that she stored inside and the despair that she felt.  Depression seemed a very logical state of being hearing what she had traveled through to finally come to my couch.  It was that journey that would become her not only her near demise, but also her way out.  Yes, Jessie and I no longer see each other.  She was able to find a way out of the dark and confining tunnel that depression had trapped her in.  In fact, through the tips, tools and information that this work will supply, many of my clients have found the path that works for them.  You see there is no one path and there is no one right way out.  But there is a way out.  I found it! and have been able to maintain the emotional flexibility (and self regulation) I discovered once release from the cloud that shrouded my every day was felt.  Jessie has found that as well.  And so can you.

Before we dive into the how, I feel that it is vital to discuss the what.  Over the next several posts I will address what depression looks like.  What the Diagnostic and Statistical manual of mental disorders say it is.  What depression manifests like behaviorally and what are the outcomes.  Additionally, I have found that it is vital to understand how we get there.  Few are just born this way, and fewer choose to live this way, but I have met a few who do.  We’ll address that as well.

For now, let me state that if you are trapped in the grasp of depression, or if you are worried about someone who is, there is a way out, there is hope, and there is a way for you/them to find the sun in the world.   This is for you, for them, and for anyone who comes after that finds themselves trapped in a world that is dark, hopeless, and without light.

To those who are dealing with depression I encourage you to find a counselor that you feel comfortable with.  Find something in your day that brings even the slightest spark and hope.  And please, flow this blog.  Read the posts that will come over the next few weeks.  Add some Vitamin D and some butter to your diet.  Get out and feel the sun.  Talk to someone that will listen and not talk back, but let you curl up into your cocoon and hide until you can speak.

If you are the one that provides the blanket and the couch that become the cocoon, just sit and be there.  Often there is no greater intervention than to do nothing but attend to and witness.  And no matter what you hear, what you see, or what you feel - do not hold it or take it on as your own.  The person that has entrusted their pain, their story, their hope in you has not asked you to hold it, they have asked you to put it away and to remain an open and empty repository for what they need to let go of.  If your emotional well become so full that you can not take anymore, you can not help.   Additionally, and perhaps most importantly, do not try to help them see the "reality" in their story.  Do not challenge their expression of emotion of stifle its flow.  They have stifled it long enough. Their expressing their reality and for them it is the truth.  In the end, be the safe haven that your friend needs in order to feel comfort and piece in this life until they can rise out of the despair and stand on their own.

As a supplemental reading as you watch for the next installment, I suggest you follow this link.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/12/02/pharmaceutical-companies-hide-information.aspx?e_cid=20121202_SNL_Art_1