When I received a call one day from a client who had experienced great changes through Brainwave Optimization, I was concerned. She was distraught and sure that the changes were gone. That it had not stuck. She told me about her trouble that morning in the hotel getting on the internet. The Wi-Fi would not let her connect and she needed to get a report off to her company. She was upset and starting to panic. She called the front desk and was, as she called it, very direct. Knowing that she had come to An Open Mind and experienced Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization to overcome panic, anxiety, and emotion regulation issues, I asked her a few very pointed questions.
1. Did you get the report sent out?
Answer. Yes
2. Are you calm now, or are you still thinking about the events and stressing about it?
Answer. No
3. Was the panic you experienced and the anxiety that started to come when you thought your report not get sent in on time realistic in this situation?
Answer. Yes
4. Compared to what you would have done in this same situation before Neuro-Balancing, how appropriate was your response? 0 being not at all appropriate and 5 being very appropriate.
Answer. 4-5.
5. Compared to what you would have done prior to Neuro-Balancing, how quickly have you calmed down and regained control. 0 being no difference and 5 being nothing like the past.
Answer. 5. "Before I would still be upset about it, be continually thinking about the event and likely would not have even called the front desk to get help without totally exploding in anger."
6. So you have more emotional regulation and a more appropriate range of emotional expression now then you did before Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization?
Answer. "I guess I do."
A standard assessment technique in the counseling field is that of the scaling. Simply stated it is "0-5 where would rate x?" It is a fast and simple way to get feed back and have your client do some self reflection.
I was using this technique one session to help a couple see how far they had come. I asked them to write down what they thought they were at the time we started and then to rate where they though they were now. I suppose you could argue that this is either risky in that they may rate a negative, or arrogant that you are assuming you have done something for them. I was fairly certain with this couple that when I asked the question I was going to receive a positive response. It was a risk I felt good about taking at that time.
I framed the question like this. "0 - 5, where would you rate your relationship when we started, if 0 meant 'why are we coming here and not to a lawyer' and 5 meant 'why are we coming here still or at all?" Each rated the first answer at a 1 teetering on 0. The second response was much different. Beaming, she reported a 4 -4.5. She was excited to report that they were doing better than she had remember. At this point I was having to hold back the self congratulatory self talk. It was not hard when I turned to him and asked his response to the question. He sheepishly showed his reply that he had marked a 3-3.5. She and I each felt deflated. I asked him to explain the low score hoping to see where things had gone poorly. He responded something like this. "As we have worked on the issues and learned new skills, I have at times felt the 5 of which you spoke. It is wonderful and from time to time I still feel it. What I have learned and the reason I rated us at the 3.5, is that the 5 is always shifting. When you reach it and linger for a while, you realize that it has become the new 4. There is always a new horizon to achieve. As long as you are progressing forward and moving toward that 5, you will always have it." She and I sat there, stunned in the wisdom he had taught us. He truly understood the essence of a 5 relationship and had gained a powerful perspective for life.
I once learned that when you are on a wire 40 feet above the ground, you will surely fall if you look at your feet to see where you are. It is when you look with your head up at the destination, that makes it easy to let your feet do what they do every day and you walk easily to the other side. When we look at our short comings, it is like looking at your feet standing on a thin wire with nothing but space between you and the ground. By keeping you eye on the 5 you will find it much easier to do the work you need to do today.
What my client learned this day is that having a full range of emotional expression is better than being emotionally flat and far better than being emotionally reactive. She now understands that emotional regulation is well within her power and that she can feel the full pallet of emotion for this first time in a very long time.
My motto now.
Live for the 4, enjoy the 5.
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