Permission to fail - GRANTED. Carry on

When you lose your fear of failure you will gain your ability to fly.  Brett

Part 1

By Brett “The Bong Bong Doc” Judd

I said yesterday that today I would unlock one of the greatest success secrets that impedes nearly all individuals, in all walks of life.  This one notion has likely been the cause for more unachieved goals and unrealized successes than anything other notion in human history. In fact, it is the one consistent theme that I hear over and over when I am in a counseling session, or when I am talking to someone about the real and lasting change the can come to them from Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization.  But before I get there, I want to tell you a story.

I was sitting with a client who had really been struggling for a long time with a particular issue.  We had danced around the edges of it for so long that I really thought we were in some kind of wild polka.  Every turn and every twist was met with the same repeating theme.  This pattern was so worn-in that I really began to question whether I had it wrong and there really was no answer.  I was coming to a point that I had no more analogies, no more sage introspection  because everything I tried was attacked with the same resounding retort. I was stumped until he finally opened up and let me understand the wall that we were hitting.  The crazy thing is it was the exact same thing that I had dealt with in myself, and with one of our daughters.

For two years in a row, our family attended Philmont Scout Camp in New Mexico for training and fun.  It was great.  While either my wife or I was in training for the various Scout programs we ran, our kids were off adventuring and having a great time.  One day my group was doing some team- building experiences near the High COPE course, which my daughter’s group was attempting.  She was all strapped into a harness and ready to climb the 40-foot tower that led to a 300-foot long zip Line.  She was terrified.  In fact she was so scared she had frozen to the ground before she had ever even touched the pole she was to climb.  When I saw her, I was instantly taken back to an experience I had several years before on a similar COPE course.  I wrote about it in this post here.  She was having the same, instantaneous, will-stopping thought pattern that I had had, that my client was having, and that nearly all people on this planet have had until we learn to overcome this universal belief. 

I can only imagine what the world would be like today if others had not overcome this success-halting belief.  What would it be like if Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong had frozen to the launch pad with these same thoughts?  Every rocket before them had exploded either just after liftoff, or on the pad.  No one would have blamed them to have let this though stop them then and there.  But, like these two, there are plenty of examples of successful people who have overcome this belief and have set an example for us that we need to follow.

When I went and talked to my daughter, and, when I stood at the base of the 40-foot pole I wrote about, and when my client kept dancing around the issue and discrediting any potential option, we all parroted the same thing, “WHAT IF?”   That’s it.  That is the single most detrimental thought that keeps us from stepping into our own capsule and launching to the moon.  “What if it doesn’t work?”, “What if I fail?”, “What if I’m rejected?”, “What if…?” have ended more great successes than any other belief.

“What if..?” is at the core behind test anxiety, fear of job hunting, and asking that perfect someone to prom or just even to a movie.   “What if I say something stupid?” or “What if she/he rejects me?”, and perhaps the most behavior stopping one of all “What if I fail?” have all been danced around in that frenzied polka so often that the dance floor is getting thin.

Think for a moment what the world would be like today if the thought “What if no one wants a personal computer at their desk?”, or, “What if no one really wants a handheld device that connects them to anything in the world with the tap of the finger?” And, what if two brothers who made bicycles had decided that since every other person who attempted to fly had failed, that they just kept on making bikes?   The PC, Apple, i“Everything”, and flight all came from the determination to let go of “What if…” and just do.

So, what is it about the “What if…” that makes it so powerful? What is it that keeps feet securely planted on the ground even if we have seen others before us do the thing we want to do?  It is as if we are all so positive we are different from anyone else, so special that the rules and averages do not apply to us, that we assume we are the one that it won’t work for.  When my daughter stood at the base of the pole ready to climb to the top and ride the zip line, she was not the first of her group to attempt it, and the evidence was right in front of her that she was safe and capable, yet the “What if” kept her grounded.  No, it isn’t arrogance and a sense of being so different that keeps us grounded.  It is the fear of being SO different that it won’t work for me, and “I will fail!”

 Anyone who has ever come to the batter’s box, the free throw line, stepped onto a wrestling mat, or even gone to an interview has faced this dilemma.  “What if I strike out?” “What if I miss?” “What if I don’t get the job?”  It is this fear of failure and the shame, humiliating, and loss that keeps us from attempting to achieve great things.  And the hardest truth is that the very same notion is the very thing that will unlock the total success when we overcome it. “What if… I succeed?” Now that is an interesting take on the “What if … “, and it alters the entire paradigm.  More on that in a minute…

                Why is it not okay to fail?  What really will be the damage?  And, where on earth did we get such a debilitating belief? We are taught it by teachers, by coaches, and by parents.  Yesterday’s post discussed the power of constructive motivators and the idea of “When” not “IF”.  I discussed the problem with inhibitive and restrictive motivation.  These are so prevalent in the raising of our children that the underlying belief of “Failure is not an option!” becomes ingrained in the psyche.  Too many times the short-sighted focus of looking at the potential demise is so debilitating that we do not see the potential for when we do succeed.  And we are so blinded be the notion of failure that we do not see the avenues of success all around us.  Imagine a school where students are praised for giving a full and total effort and going out on a limb to try something new – even if that exploration was a complete failure.  Consider the work environment where projects and ideas could be explored with full support regardless of the potential outcome.  Every time we took a test after giving it our absolute best effort in study, practice, memorizing, and application, and we are handed a less than satisfactory grade.  And every time we show that grade to important people in our life (parents) who then chide, berate, ridicule, or punish based solely on the grade – the outcome – our desire to attempt anything beyond complacent mediocrity is instilled.  Because we are so focused on the outcome and not the attempt in the praise and reward system practiced in our society, personal vulnerability and “What if IT DOES WORK?” are not developed.  Every time a goal is written and the potential outcome is considered it is cloaked in the remembering of every test failed, balls missed with the back, times we were pinned in the match, and how the only thing that was seen was how not the vulnerability of the attempt, but the unsatisfactory outcome.  It is this training from every attempted success in our past that shapes the “What if …“ today.

I am not talking about the “Everybody is a winner” Cub Scout Pinewood derby where you get a gold star for showing up.  I am talking about the type of environment where it is seen as a time for review evaluation and regrouping when we receive an F on a test, not grounding from certain privileges (though that might be warranted if the process review shows more time gaming and Facebook than actual study).  The attempt and process is more important than the outcome in most cases. 

I know it is all well and good for the next generation and hopefully the parent reading this who will begin to raise an “Edison.”  Thomas Edison attempted to create a better light bulb and it took him over two years and numerous “failures” in the process. Of this process he is quoted as saying:

·         "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.", and

·         “If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward."

If we were to apply this same mentality to failure as Edison, the Wright’s, and so many others we would see far greater successes in all of our goals and desires. 

            By granting ourselves permission to fail, we grant ourselves permission to try.  It is this internal permission that will allow us to push past every coach, every teacher, every school yard taunt, and every harsh word we still carry from all of them.  When we adopt the belief that if is okay to fail, we adopt the ability to say, “What if it does work?”, “What if I do … ?”.  It is this permission to fail that allows people to run for office, to open a business, and even write a blog.  It is the permission to not only fail but the recognition that a failure is only a reflection on the plan so that the plan can be revisited.  It does not always mean that the goal is bad, only that our approach and our tools were not effective.

            That is why at An Open Mind we are writing this blog and offering Success Coaching plans.  Sometimes the only thing that really stops us from getting beyond the “What if I fail?” is the company we keep or the voices we are listening to.  Through our goal analysis email’s we look at the format and structure of the goal to assure that it is written in a way that will maximize success.  During the personal consultation sessions we discuss the progress and process in order to understand the revisions that need to happen in order to meet the goal.  And in the blog posts and Friday noon web meetings we offer helpful advice and counsel based on real life experiences that will propel you beyond the ordinary resolution experience.  When you look at it, the $125 that it would take a month to get started on the path to a new and better you is really small.  PLUS, I’ve knocked off nearly $100 from the regular price if booked out by the 15^th of January.  If you do not follow this link and grab your coupon for the savings, you will likely miss out on a great deal and potentially not achieve the success you want.

                Sometimes, there is more going on than just a belief.  That is why in the coaching package I am including Brainwave Balancing focus sessions.  For some of our clients, these sessions have reviled very distinct patterns in the brain that are also causing barriers to success.  Weight loss, drive, happiness, and even relationships can all be hampered by imbalances in the brainwave patterns.  Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization is THE BEST OPTION for anyone really wanting to make lasting changes and have the most advantage possible for success.  If you have never experienced it, you are missing out.  If you have and have not been back for a boost or “Brain Massage” session, you are denying yourself the full potential the tool can provide.  Especially with the completely updated system.

Our 13 week success program is a sure fire way to guarantee you will have the most successful year ever and a greater life to come.  “What if it works?”  That is my question for you.  What if it works and really provides the mental and emotional freedom you need to succeed?  Only you can answer the question and decide why you do not want to have every advantage in this troubled world.

                Tomorrow, in Part Two, I will discuss a companion “What if… “ that has stopped many from ever stepping onto the success track, and you will likely be surprised when you read it.

Till then,

Brett “The Bong Bong Doc” Judd

P.S.  My daughter did climb that tower and she did launch herself off onto the wire of the Zip Line.  You see, like the rest of us with “what if … “ fears, she was forgetting that the harness she was in was attached to ropes, that were attached to a team of supporting friends who would not let her fail.  That is what Success Coaching is all about.  Gathering a team of open minded and focused supports who will do everything they can to see you succeed. That is why I believe that this offer is the right way to start your year. $100 in free coaching success help is sitting on the table waiting for you to grab it.

P.P.S.  Don’t miss the very first Friday Success Chat on YouTube. If you go to http://www.youtube.com/user/AnOpenMindNB?feature=mhee and subscribe to us, you will get notifications of new posts.    Add us at Google + AnOpenMindNB https://plus.google.com/u/0/100775656746347022036/posts  to be linked to notifications and get direct links to the events.  See you tomorrow at noon. 

The more specific your goals the more likely you are to not achieve them. Just be S.M.A.R.T. about it.

The more specific your goals the more likely you are to not achieve them. Just be S.M.A.R.T. about it.

By Brett “The Bong Bong Doc” Judd

When I mentioned this blog post idea to my wife this morning, she got that “look”.  You know, the one like a Labrador gives you—one brow raised and the head twisted to one side. But the fact is, the more specific and absolute you make your resolution or goal, the more variables there are that will knock you off track. If that is your reaction, you will want to read the rest and know that to assist you have success this year, we are giving over $100 in free services.

                So this is what I am talking about.  This morning on the radio, my favorite D.J., Liza Raley, was discussing how to make a resolution that will work.  She said it had to be specific and gave the example “I will lose 5 pounds a month and look great in my swim suit this summer.”  Unfortunately, this type of affirmation/resolution will be met with disaster in less than 3 months.  Here is why.

1.        The control and regulation of how much weight the body will lose is not in our control.  The way that the body will react to a change in diet, a change in activity, and the stress that comes from this change will outweigh any control we believe we have on the process.

2.       The first weight loss is generally easy.  A five pound a week drop for two weeks is not unheard of, but when the body has to begin burning off long-term stored fat, it is harder to achieve a specific weight target.

3.       Lean mass and fatty mass weigh differently and will alter the way the scale reflects your progress.  Unless you are just going without food and forcing the body to waste off fat and muscle, there will be a conversion from fatty mass to lean mass.  If you are including exercise and diet in your plan, it is realistic for a person to lose three pounds of fat but gain a pound of muscle in one week.  The scale would only show a two pound drop – less than half the goal. If the goal is to look good in the swimsuit, then adding lean muscle mass would enhance the look, but will alter the way the scale reflects your progress. So, only focusing on pounds lost would indicate a failure to reach the goal of five pounds lost per week, increasing stress, and impacting motivation.

4.       The goal is not time - limited with a specific target date.  “To look good in my swimsuit this summer” is an arbitrary end time. Does this imply the first of June or the end of August?  Because of this undefined deadline, focus and energy cannot be maintained indefinitely.

If you are reading this with the same skeptically twisted head and raised eyebrow as my wife had this morning, you’ll want to keep reading.  Because there are very specific and powerful ways that you can meet the swimsuit goal.

These methods place the control in your hands and eliminate many of the barriers and uncontrollable issues that will arise.  These non-specific specifics follow the S.M.A.R.T. model of goal setting.  These are:

1.       S Specific.  The goal must state a specific task of behavior that you are in total control over.  In the weight loss example, I have shown that you are not in control of the specific pounds lost, but you are in total and absolute control over some things that will affect the weight loss. This type of specific goal could look like this:

a.       I will exercise every day.  Note that a length of time or the type of exercise is purposely not stated.  This allows for unforeseen barriers like illness, work schedule, travel, etc.  No matter where you, are you can always find a few moments to do push-ups and sit-ups, or planking. This flexibly rigid goal language allows you to adjust the routine, but still meet the goal.

b.      I will eat foods that are best for my body in the proper portions and at times when my body needs them.  This example again models a plan that is flexibly rigid.  Learning what is right for your body is more powerful and nourishing than a specific diet or food.  Eating when your body needs to and in portions it needs, will keep your insulin and leptin levels balanced allowing the body to burn fats instead of storing calories as fats (read more on this here).  This also allows you the flexibility to be able to go to a business lunch, or eat with friends and not be worried about having the “right” foods.

2.       M Measurable. To maintain the energy needed to continue past the first 2-3 weeks of any goal, there must be a way to measure success and track the progress.  Not only will this maintain motivation, it will also inform you as to the effectiveness of certain variables.  It is important to determine what variables you will be measuring in your quest for success in your goal attainment.

a.       I will track my progress and success daily and weekly by keeping a food dairy each day, and weigh and measure each week including body fat testing.  This tracking allows you to determine how effective you have been at maintaining the goal behavior, and how they have been able to effect the change you desire.  Another measure that might be added is a satisfaction scale to determine how much satisfaction the meals are, the work outs have been, etc.

3.       A Attainable.  The goal that you are seeking must be attainable in the time frame that you are seeking to complete it in.  If I am 50-60 pounds over an ideal beach body, I need to seriously consider the safety and reality of being ready for a bikini or a Speedo in the next 6 months (or ever, in my case).  Beyond things such as length of time and the target of the goal, other aspects of attainability are the physical and mental barriers that stand in the way. Weight is a matter of brain function and balance as much as it is a matter of diet and exercise. We have seen many of our clients who complete Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization begin losing weight as the brain balancing allows the body to regulate itself.

3.a.  An alternative A is Accountability.  Being accountable to someone is a major success factor for many goals.  Without reporting progress to someone who will hold you accountable and establish action oriented plans for achieving the goal, it is too easy to lose sight of the goal. To assist you to have success this year, we are giving over $100 in free services.
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4. R Realistic and/or relevant.  Very similar to attainable, the goal must be relevant to your current situation.  It must also be realistic.  There are things that we would like to do, and then there are things we can do within certain time frames and certain parameters (like me in a Speedo).  We must be realistic in the expectations in order to maintain hope and energy.

5. T Time limited. The shorter the better!  To say, “I will work out every day and eat according to my needs for 6 weeks” is a definite time and does not become daunting or never-ending.  A goal that is too long range will lose its meaning after a while.  Keeping the goal time-limited will make it attainable and realistic.  At the six week mark you can then evaluate your progress and establish a new goal.  These short bursts keep tension on the goal as well.  If the goal is too long term, it is easy to think you have lots of time and so you never really get started.

In order to assist our readers in achieving their New Year’s resolutions and goals, we offer these free daily blogs and public Friday noon-time web meetings.  For more accountability and personalized success, we also offer private and personally focused success coaching sessions that will provide goal evaluation and revision by email, face-to-face or web chat consultation sessions, access to the Members Only data base, and a 45 minute brainwave balancing mental focus session.  When purchased individually these services are over $200, but for a very limited time, we are holding open a few slots at the ridiculously low price of $125.  For over two hours of personal, professional coaching, this is an unheard of bargain and can set you off on the right foot to make even more than your investment in the first few weeks of the New Year. The coupon link below is only good until January 15, 2013, so do not delay.

This is what you will receive:

HALF-PRICE SUCCESS COACHING WITH BRAINWAVEW BALANCING SESSION

AMAZING SAVINGS and guaranteed success in making 2013 your best year ever.

What you will receive for a small $125 investment in your success.

·          1 email-based goal and affirmation review session with analysis and recommendation.  Includes one follow up email.

·          1 30-minute face-to-face (or web-based video) conference.

·          1 45-minute brainwave balancing mental focus session at An Open Mind Pocatello, or in Idaho Falls at Integris Integrative Medical Center.

·          Access to the Members Only Success Coaching resource web page. Full of videos and articles focused on establishing change and success in every area of your life.

·          1 audio success CD focusing on topics and techniques to establish real change.

Total value of this package is $224.95 when purchased separately. 

Claim one of the very limited coupons here.
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Tomorrow I will address a notion that many overlook when setting goals and making resolutions—the fact that we all fail in these endeavors. I will address the idea that it is okay that we fail in these endeavors, and that we should plan for—and anticipate that we will fail.  If that does not excite you to read more, I don’t know what will.  So until tomorrow, here’s to your success – and failure.

Brett “The Bong Bong Doc” Judd

Resolutions will always fail...

Resolutions will always fail if this one rules is not followed.

       I saw a post this morning from a friend who stated that he resolved that he “would not eat ketchup anymore”.  I instantly thought, “I give him 2 weeks.”

       This language "I will not ... ", "I won't ... " will always be met with rapid failure and short lived success.  Negative focused affirmations have never had the staying power that a positive focused statement has.  

There are two motivators that drive each and every one of us. Inhibitive/restrictive and constructive.  When ever we are compelled to change due to restrictive or inhibitive means - "you cannot", "you won't", and "I can't", we are removing the pay value and the incentive from the process.  The constructive "I choose not to", "I will ...", and "It gives me ?? when I ... " are all based on powerful internal motivators that provide action and purpose.  The more personal we make the pay value, the more driven we will be to achieve the change.

        For example, if I want to have my son clean his room, I must first figure out a way to make my desire his.  He must have “buy in” for the change.  If I am exerting my will onto him, he will not have the internal energy to do the job. The same is true for each and every one of us. When we attempt to be motivated, to alter a behavior, through some form of coercion or negative talk, we have missed the critical component that will ultimately change us over the long term. Change that is driven by negative motivation or restrictive constraints, is change that runs out of gas quickly because it only seeks to remove a threat. If the threat is levied heavy enough against my son, he very well may clean his room due to the coercion and anticipated loss if he does not.  That burst of fear driven energy has no lasting endurance.  It is like trying to stay awake and driven on caffeine rushes when what your body wants is sleep and nutrition.  

     When I was a felony probation officer I continually faced the dilemma of finding ways to encourage my probationers to make the life changes the Judge had ordered.  Initially, all of them came in very focused and driven to change because they did not want to return to jail, or hated coming to see me, or many other reasons. But all were negative and pain based.  I found that the motivation and the drive usually lasted no more than 3 months. Then the drive for doing the change for someone else, or to avoid a specific outcome, ran out of steam. It was only when we were able to find the pay value that moved their inner desire that we were able to develop goals and resolutions that had any lasting effect.

     Returning to the idea of getting my son to clean his room, when I attach the request/expectation to a true desire that he has, and I frame it in a constructive manner, the likelihood of having the room clean is increased.  It is far more positive and motivating to say, "I will take you to the movie (that he has really wanted to see), WHEN your room is clean" than the inhibitive "IF you get your room clean, you can have ..." and even more demotivating “IF you do not clean your room I will/you’ll lose/etc.”

     Two distinct differences in the example above establish the foundation for writing a powerful goal and affirmation.  The first is the subtle difference in the meaning of WHEN and IF.  To use the WHEN is to create the assumption that it will happen.  It implies a belief and an optimism that the thing is going to happen.  Any goal that is effective in creating real and lasting change must be seen as so real that it truly will happen.  Anytime we use the IF we immediately imply a belief that there is doubt in the outcome.  I will address the doubt and escape routes in a future post.  But for now it is enough to say that we must remove the “if” in order to create success.

     The second and perhaps the most powerful difference is the intrinsic pay value based on a true desire.  To establish a goal based solely on the restrictive and inhibitive means that we are working for someone or something else’s desire.  I have client who is struggling with overcoming a behavior that has cost him much in his life.  In the beginning the notion was that “I have to quit in order to get her to stay!”  Noble, but it has not created the change that is essential for lasting change when faced with the stress that triggers the behavior. Not until that becomes “I X when I feel X, because it gives me X” will there ever be lasting change associated with the positive and rewarding satisfaction that “the effort was for me because I wanted it”.

     If this were my affirmation and resolution for change in the coming year, I would first establish the WHY.  Without knowing why we want to change we will never exhibit enough energy to actually succeed.  The WHY must also be framed in the positive. Losing those 20-40 pounds that have been nagging at you, or actually beginning a storage and self sufficiency program in your home are wonderful desires and for them to have the energy to endure you must find the internal reason that you want it.  To say that the Doctor has warned me that I am developing diabetes or heart disease, or I am afraid of my government and must take care of myself are insufficient reason to sustain your desire to change. These restrictive reasons for change only create energy until you are sick of salads and you smell the burgers frying as you drive down main street.  

     Examples of positive, constructive motivators might be, "I feel healthy and have energy when I am fit."  And, "I care for my family by ensuring we have the resources needed to be self sufficient". These statements have personal meaning and real potential. Later I will specifically address the reason for the openness and perceived non specific nature of these statements and why these will result in better change than any other option.   For your New Year’s resolutions to have any lasting power, the number one place you must start is in defining the pay value and removing the “won’t”.  No lasting change has ever been established from a position of restriction.  Find your personal why and you are beginning to form the basis of lasting change.

See you tomorrow, Brett.

P.S.  Don’t forget to schedule yourself for the Friday Google Hang-out.  12:00 mountain time.  This interactive discussion will help to sharpen and hone your resolutions for lasting outcomes.  Here is your link to join the hang out.  https://plus.google.com/events/c1n2cqjtspjsrdids7rlim1i6hs  While there be sure to add us to a Google + group so that you get all of the notices of coming Hang-outs. 

P.S.S. Be sure to take advantage of the excellent opportunity I am extending.  Success Coaching is personal one on one help and accountability for establishing a sure footing in your change process.  Below is a link to receive a very valuable coupon to receive nearly 2 hours of personal attention for the 1 hour rate.  Since these slots are limited, ACT FAST to assure you get the support you need to make 2013 your best year yet.

Want help and a focused ear?  

As a special offer to readers of this blog, I am offering a special package to enhance your success and make sure that you are setting goals that are attainable, meaningful, and realistic, with all the tools you need to succeed.

For $125 a month, you will have email goal and affirmation review/editing, 30 minute coaching session either in person or via web meeting, access to audio and video training resources to hone and focus your desire to change and 1 45 minute brainwave balancing focus session a month.  Individually, these items would run as high as $250, but to assist our readers in their change goals for the coming year, we will do all this for just $125! That is over 2 hours of personal and profession attention to get your year off on the right foot.

Not in our area? Not a problem!  You can still take advantage of the coaching and resources portion of the offer and we will increase the amount of coaching you can receive. 

As this is a significant savings from our normal rates, there are a limited number of available slots.  Be sure to sign up quickly.  Sign up before the January 15^th. These services will still be offered, but at our normal rates and subject to availability.

 This link will take you to the coupon that will allow you to receive these discounts.

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If you look down, you will likely fall.

When I received a call one day from a client who had experienced great changes through Brainwave Optimization, I was concerned.  She was distraught and sure that the changes were gone.  That it had not stuck.  She told me about her trouble that morning in the hotel getting on the internet. The Wi-Fi would not let her connect and she needed to get a report off to her company.  She was upset and starting to panic. She called the front desk and was, as she called it, very direct.  Knowing that she had come to An Open Mind and experienced Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization to overcome panic, anxiety, and emotion regulation issues, I asked her a few very pointed questions.

1.  Did you get the report sent out?
     Answer. Yes
2. Are you calm now, or are you still thinking about the events and stressing about it?
     Answer. No
3. Was the panic you experienced and the anxiety that started to come when you thought your report not get sent in on time realistic in this situation?
     Answer. Yes
 4. Compared to what you would have done in this same situation before Neuro-Balancing, how appropriate was your response?  0 being not at all appropriate and 5 being very appropriate.
     Answer. 4-5.
5. Compared to what you would have done prior to Neuro-Balancing, how quickly have you calmed down and regained control. 0 being no difference and 5 being nothing like the past.
     Answer. 5.  "Before I would still be upset about it, be continually thinking about the event and likely would not have even called the front desk to get help without totally exploding in anger."
6. So you have more emotional regulation and a more appropriate range of emotional expression now then you did before Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization?
     Answer. "I guess I do."

A standard assessment technique in the counseling field is that of the scaling. Simply stated it is "0-5 where would rate x?" It is a fast and simple way to get feed back and have your client do some self reflection.

I was using this technique one session to help a couple see how far they had come. I asked them to write down what they thought they were at the time we started and then to rate where they though they were now. I suppose you could argue that this is either risky in that they may rate a negative, or arrogant that you are assuming you have done something for them. I was fairly certain with this couple that when I asked the question I was going to receive a positive response. It was a risk I felt good about taking at that time.

I framed the question like this. "0 - 5, where would you rate your relationship when we started, if 0 meant 'why are we coming here and not to a lawyer' and 5 meant 'why are we coming here still or at all?" Each rated the first answer at a 1 teetering on 0. The second response was much different. Beaming, she reported a 4 -4.5. She was excited to report that they were doing better than she had remember. At this point I was having to hold back the self congratulatory self talk. It was not hard when I turned to him and asked his response to the question. He sheepishly showed his reply that he had marked a 3-3.5. She and I each felt deflated. I asked him to explain the low score hoping to see where things had gone poorly. He responded something like this. "As we have worked on the issues and learned new skills, I have at times felt the 5 of which you spoke. It is wonderful and from time to time I still feel it. What I have learned and the reason I rated us at the 3.5, is that the 5 is always shifting. When you reach it and linger for a while, you realize that it has become the new 4. There is always a new horizon to achieve. As long as you are progressing forward and moving toward that 5, you will always have it." She and I sat there, stunned in the wisdom he had taught us. He truly understood the essence of a 5 relationship and had gained a powerful perspective for life.

I once learned that when you are on a wire 40 feet above the ground, you will surely fall if you look at your feet to see where you are. It is when you look with your head up at the destination, that makes it easy to let your feet do what they do every day and you walk easily to the other side. When we look at our short comings, it is like looking at your feet standing on a thin wire with nothing but space between you and the ground. By keeping you eye on the 5 you will find it much easier to do the work you need to do today.

What my client learned this day is that having a full range of emotional expression is better than being emotionally flat and far better than being emotionally reactive.  She now understands that emotional regulation is well within her power and that she can feel the full pallet of emotion for this first time in a very long time.

My motto now.

Live for the 4, enjoy the 5.

Please send me my free DVD and information packet about Brianwave Optimization and the information on maintaining a healthy brain.

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The Dangers of SSRI's and $350 free services.

Because I feel so strongly that there is a better way to deal with depression and other emotional and mood conditions, I am giving away OVER $350 in services to make sure our clients get the best care they can.

At An Open Mind we are so grateful to be able to offer a powerful and safe alternative to all of these medications. http://www.ssristories.com/index.php  Brainwave Optimization has enhanced the lives of all of our clients and many have found that they are able to rid themselves of these and other medications.  It is our hope that more and more people worldwide will look to natural safe alternatives for there mental wellness and are fortunate to offer one of the best tools available to alter mood and enhance sleep without these dangerous drugs.

I would like to express gratitude for Kellene Bishop and The Preparedness Pro for making me aware of the above cited link.  I encourage you to look at the information and read the research studies associated with these powerful medications.

The following was taken from Livestrong.com and is an indication of the dangers associated with Ambien.

Changes in Behavior and Thinking
Hypnotics such as Ambien can cause changes in behavior and promote abnormal thinking. The patient might experience symptoms such as aggressiveness, agitation, bizarre behavior, depression and depersonalization, reports Drugs.com. These adverse reactions occur in less than one percent of patients but may be life-threatening and can potentially lead to suicidal thoughts or actions. The medication should be used cautiously in elderly patients because they are unable to release the drug from the body as quickly because of their age. The patient should report the occurrence of these side effects to a physician immediately. To avoid the appearance of these effects, the patient should be given the lowest possible dose.
Depression
Ambien should be used with caution in patients who have depression. According to RxList.com, depressed patients have reported a worsening of the symptoms of depression, which includes suicidal thoughts and actions. The patient must inform the physician of his entire medical history to avoid a dangerous effect such as this one.


Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/238278-ambien-suicide/#ixzz2FnRquuEY

For images of brainwave functioning before and after Brainwave Optimization I encourage you to follow these links.

http://www.anopenmindnb.com/anxiety-panic.php

http://www.anopenmindnb.com/depression.php

Depression and anxiety are very real and rampant in our society.  They are getting worse.  There are natural and safe ways of dealing with them.  I will personally work with anyone who wishes to find a better route to mental health than the one they are on through these medications.  It may take more than the regular 10 sessions to work through the medications and get the brainwave patterns to change allowing the brain to experience the quiet calm that it wants, but it is far better than the mental and physiological damage that these medications can leave in their wake.  Anyone who reads this and wishes to experience the power of Brainwave Optimization will receive my complete care and attention to bring you into a better life.

Beginning the first of the year we will begin offering an extended care package of Neuro-Balancing sessions that includes:

• 3 months of access to our members only resource website containing articles, videos, and other helpful information to enhance the brain functioning, (normally $89.94)
• 1 30 minute phone or in person consultation monthly for 3 months, (a $127.50 value)
• 1 email consultation per month for 3 months. ($85 total services)

and

• access to the monthly video chat seminar on better mental wellness and brain health for three months.(a $60 feature)

And more.

We feel so strongly about this issue that we are including these additional services at no cost to our $1850 Harmonized package.  The above listed services represent well over $300 in savings that we are giving to you so that you can finally experience life as it is meant to be lived and reach your fullest potential.

In the bio section of the form below, just state that you are interested in receiving $350 free.  I will see that you receive the complete information package delivered immediately and provide you with everything you need to start on a path to vitality and success.

Please send me my free DVD and information packet about Brianwave Optimization and the information on maintaining a healthy brain.

Email*
First Name*
Last Name*
Address 1*
Address 2
City*
State*
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Phone
Mobile
Carrier	Choose AT&TSprintNextelT-MobileVerizonCricketVirginBoostMetroPCSAlltelUS CellularSunComPowertelOrangeBell CanadaBell Mobility and Solo (Canada)Virgin Mobile (Canada)NtelosOrange-NL DutchtoneT-Mobile GermanyMeteor IrelandMiWorld SingaporeMovistarO2 M-mail UKOptus AustraliaSwisscom SwitzerlandT-Mobile UKTelenor NorwayTelia DenmarkVodafoneVirgin UKTim (Brazil)Cincinnati Bell WirelessVivo (Brasil)iWirelessTelstraAliant CanadaFido CanadaMTS Mobility CanadaRogers WirelessSasktel MobilityTelusVirgin Mobile CanadaPresidents ChoiceEsendex AustraliaBluegrass CellularVodaphone GermanyVodaphone New ZealandVirgin Mobile USATelecom New ZealandSiminn IcelandC Spire
Website
Bio

* Required field

It has been asked many times, "who benefits from Brainwave Optimization?"  The simple answer is anyone. We have worked with the elderly, the young, severely mentally ill, and the mildly depressed. My nick name "The Bong Bong Doc" came from a great young boy with Autism. Everyone has benefited in one way or another, and I am confident that this new program will enhance the success of everyone who participates.

Do not wait.  As one who was once on these powerful medications for depression, I can tell you that there is nothing better than to say goodbye to the dizziness, the jitters, and all the rest that I thought was worth it to not feel depressed.  Now, I am free from the cloud of depression, have better focus and clarity of mind, and feel life enter me again.  I want that for you, and that is why I am giving away the $500 in additional services over 3 months so that you can see the full benefit for yourself.

I look forward to working with you and wish you the best of the Christmas and New Year season.

"The Bong Bong Doc"
Brett M. Judd LMSW
www.anopenmindnb.com
819 N.12th Pocatello, Idaho 83201
208-232-2263
@AnOpenMind
facebook.com/AnOpenMind
positiveprincipledparenting.blogspot.com

An Open Mind and Brainstate Technologies does not advocate the use of Brainwave Optimization as a replacement for medication or a cure for illness.  While some clients have had dramatic results and have allowed their story to be used as a testimonial, individual results very.  The cessation  of any medication must be done with medical personnel supervision and recommendation. 

Grief and legislation in the aftermath of a crisis

 I have watched this past week with some interest and sadness as the fallout from a horrific Sandy Hook school shooting in Newtown CT  has settled.  The act of this man are deplorable and there is no excuse for them.  To minimize them would be to deny the severity of the event.  That being said I would like to discuss the concern that comes as a result from these types of tragedies.

Many in the cyber world are clambering over themselves to be the most vocal, the most outrageous, or the most concerned.  Rhetoric from all political influences is streaming like the constant flow of a river.  The fractionalization of the populous is even more evident as we are prone to expose our private selves in the Facebook age. What is apparent is that the grief and bargaining from this loss will result in deeper restrictions and greater perceived safety as the government clamps down on what it believes to be the easy targets for change.

I do not want this to get off into the divisive world of gun control versus individual rights.  That is merely a distraction and a band-aid to the hurt that is being expressed. Everywhere in the news, on the internet, and around the table conversations are spinning with the language of grief.  And the most powerful language is that of bargaining.

Bargaining drives us to action.  It keeps us safe from the internal storm of emotion that can envelop us in a time of loss.  Even if we are not directly effected by the shooting, we have all lost a sense of safety from this mindless event.  Bargaining provides a sense of protection that calms the hurt but does not resolve the hurt.

Heard in conversation as "If they only ..." and "When this .... " or "Had he ... ", bargaining justifies and rationalizes the uncomprehendable and assists us in making sense of the new world we live in.  Those crying out for greater restrictions and confiscation of weapons are bargaining - "If we just get rid of these magazines!"  and "Had he not had access to a gun ... ".  These arguments justify and rationalize the horror and attempt to soothe the fact that we are all helpless and feel even more exposed in our sanctuaries when they are violated.

The gun rights advocates are also bargaining and acting out of a perceived and anticipated loss.  "When we all begin to carry there won't be anymore killings", and "If they would arm the school staff these would no longer be easy targets", are both statements of loss and a bargaining of the fear felt that liberties are about to be taken.

Both sides to the fight are acting to appease the fear and the perceived/anticipated loss that they are experiencing   "I'll be safer when all guns are taken from the world." and "I am safer because I have a gun with me at all times." act to inform the logical senses of something that is senseless.

Loss events come at us from three different directions.  There is the actual loss like that of the parents and families of those lost in this recent shooting.  This represents an unexpected loss, in contrast to the expected loss of a dying relative or aged grandparent.  The second loss and the two that are most vocal at this point are the perceived and anticipated loss event.  Vicariously we all are victims of this event due to the pervasive news coverage that we receive daily now days.  Relentless streaming of tragedy creates a sense of fear as if we were there.  Now, we are all faced with the fear that what if this was in my town, my child's school, my mall and shopping center?  When will this happen to me?!  Also bargaining, these statements spur up defenses and create adrenaline to fight off the perceived threat.  We can not help it.  It is hard wired into our neurological circuitry.  Some are predisposed to a withdrawal and play dead defense often referred to as freeze.  They seek safety and hole up, or yell for others to save them.  Others are more prone to activation and fight.  They cry for action.  The beat their sabers and the build higher walls.  All out of a perception that we are next.

The danger, and the real loss is when these bargaining become legislation and law.  The knee-jerk excess that bargaining produces often leads to rules, laws, and actions that in the end do little to solve the problem, but in the moment placate the hurt.  Even more dangerous is when the entrenched bargaining of complicated and unresolved grieving leads to excessive anger and vitriol in the fight for our cause.  Groups such as MADD, the Brady Campaign, and others that spin up out of a tragic loss are bastions for unresolved grief where prolonged bargaining feels like action and the adrenaline can become intoxicating and provides a sense of action.  The reality is, the action is only acting to buffer the unresolved hurt, or the transferred anger and blame for a senseless act.  Action taken while still in an emotionally charged state is without logic and reason.  It is void of the mental processing that allows for common sense decisions and rational behavior.  Only after a person has worked through the emotional pain that fuels much of the fight can the begin to reasonably consider options for change.

I remember in 1994 when the Brady bill was past and the corresponding assault weapons and magazine ban were past.  The event that has triggered the action from the Brady Campaign was a senseless act wherein President Reagan was nearly killed and James Brady was paralyzed on March 30, 1981.  The weapon used in this shooting was a  .22 cal. revolver yet the weapons bans that were enacted were on firearms that had little resemblance to this one.  This type of over-reaction and excessive bargaining is often the case in cases of unresolved and complicated grieving, and as a result of action that comes too fast in a loss event.  We become so consumed by the "If Only" and the "When this/that"  thinking that nothing seems to soothe the pain we feel -especially in cases of unexpected loss.    

In all loss events there will be bargaining, there will be the initial denial.  There will be the emotion.  Bargaining acts to soothe that emotional abyss.  Only when we are allowed to and assisted into the emotional quagmire surrounding the loss will we ever be able to come fully to terms with the loss, make rational decisions, and finally move forward from the loss and live a strong and healthy life.

My heart goes out to those families that at this Christmas season are grieving the senseless loss of loved ones.  My heart aches for those that are vicariously effected by this act and the others like it.  My head fears the fall-out that is about to come and what it can bring, if legislation limiting liberties is enacted and especially if it is not enacted.  The two camps of protesters at this time could become an even greater protest when the legislative dust settles from this.

When we are moved to serious action in the face of loss and bargaining, we are potentially setting up the dominoes for  greater loss in the future.  It is vital that before we take any action in the face of a loss, be that a national loss or the losses in our own life, that we have resolved our hurt and emotional pain before establishing any new and lasting policy or law.  We must wait for the rational to gain hold and the emotional to heal.  Only then are we able to create logical and meaningful change, if anything at all even needs to be done.

Loss has been and always will be part of our lives.  Senseless acts of violence occurred long before there were guns.  Even in countries where guns are banned, killings of even greater magnitude occur on a daily basis around this globe.  The greatest loss is when we do not allow for healing with ourselves to occur and we are driven by the hurt, pain, hear, and bargaining to appease the emotions and end up losing the peace and resolution that can come when we have effectively and completely grieved. Sometimes the best action is to adhere to this phrase, "Don't just do something - STAND THERE."  We can not act until we have fully taken it in and completely resolved our issues with the loss event.

I realized this morning that for most of us denial is a state of daily existence!

Yup that's me.  "The Bong Bong Doc" Wild hair.  Tired eyes and my denial shirt.  Living in Idaho you'd think that I'd be use to clear cold mornings in December, but nope.  I still hate them and so today I wore my denial shirt.  Somehow, wearing a shirt that looks like I should be in Hawai'i that I bought in Phoenix makes it all somewhat more bearable   And the fact that the car has this really cool electric heater assist feature, the furnace works great, and I can pretend that I am in a much warmer place and likely 30-40 feet down scuba diving.

I realized this morning that for most of us denial is a state of daily existence!

     And isn't that really where a lot of us live?  In denial?  Looking at Facebook and listening to the news this past week has again reaffirmed to me that many in this world are living on utter and complete denial that in the end we are all at the helm of our own ship.  We are at the drawing board and creating the blueprint for our life.  It is not the Government, our parents, or even the lousy fact that I still live in Idaho and not on Maui as I would love.  No.  In the end it is up to us.  

    When I got up today after a very short night of restless sleep, I had the choice to figure out a way to "work" from home or go to the office.  I had the opportunity to choose what I was going to wear and what i was going to do.  But it hit me this morning, and I said to myself, "I GET IT!"  Looking at me as I fumbled for something to wear, Gina said "when we get tot the office, you're getting in the chair."  And can you guess what my reply was?  In a minute.  But first, let me explain what "The Chair" is.

   Two and a half years ago Gina and I went to Arizona in the middle of the hottest part of their summer.  That is where my shirt came from.  We were trained in and experienced the amazing technology known as Brainwave Optimization.  After our assessments and learning just how out of balance our brains were, in fact mine indicated that I truly WAS (and I highlight that to emphasize the past tense) dealing with depression, we began the process of balancing and harmonizing our brain patterns.  What an experience.  Imagine laying back in a great chair and being told to just let go and visualize the most relaxing thing you can while the soothing and relaxing tones balance the brainwaves.  Where did I go?  You guessed it.  Maui and diving.  There is nothing as calm as cruising through the water along a long sandy floor about 35 feet down looking for rays.  But even better than that.  I came home from Arizona without  my mental chatter that constantly plagued my head.  I came home without my depression and I felt better than I had in years.  I came home with out the nagging pain from deteriorated knee cartilage. And we both came home with a new wealth of knowledge and incredible equipment to offer this same type of experience to our clients.    

   

    See, I'm a lot like many others I talk to on a regular basis.  I fell into our groove. I fall into the chaos of  life and like the car that needs an alignment I just keep driving gently pulling it back to center, but dangerously swerving to the left when we slack for a moment.  (Or to the right, I would hate to imply that leaning to the left is in some way bad.)  And, just like the ones that think that if I just take this pill, or if the Government only passes this law, or if this ... You get the idea.  In the end, I am the one that must choose how I will act.  How I will change.  What I will do in order to change my destiny. Whether I get into the chair or not.

    But, you know what I believe?  I believe that for many of us in this world it is a far easier thing to look to something outside ourselves then look inward to the answer.  That is why there is so much vitriol and fire in the cyber world over gun rights, gun control, medications, bad parenting.  No, in the end we all make our own decisions to act.  We all make our own decision as to how we will choose to be, even if that is to remain in my flowery shirt with wild hair and and continue dreaming that I am not sitting next to a cold window looking at the frozen ground.  Or that maybe I do need to sit in the chair and take a short mental vacation and let the powerful BRAND NEW tones balance and harmonize my mental capacity.  

     Yeah, you guessed it.  My answer to to Gina when she offered to give me a session in the most amazing tool I have ever used to bring focus and clarity into my mind was, "why?!"  When she replied "to find some balance" I retorted "I'm standing?".  And that is just it.  Most of us can stand, we can work, we can function. But are we functioning our best.  As Steven Covey was want to say, "Have we sharpened our saw?"  How long can we really affords to drive that car with it's alignment off grinding away at the tire or pulling away from center.  What happens the first time we lose tension on the wheel when being passed or hit an ice patch and the car lurches one way of the other.  Most of us can relate and yet we deny ourselves the things that will  bring alignment and balance.  I have talked to several clients who had a great experience and saw many changes when the came for a complete brainwave optimizing Neuro-Balancing and then they say, "I just don't feel it anymore."  Wow.  If you felt it once and you found something that made a great difference, wouldn't you want to keep doing it?  Wouldn't it make sense to check in once and a while and make sure you were still balanced.  I've hit a few pot holes with my cars and I can tell you.  You don't get an alignment once and expect life to not knock it out again.

     Maybe for you sharpening the saw happens when you read a good book, or go for a walk.  Maybe it is in the gym.  For many who have come to us and experienced the powerful sharpening of a balanced brain, it can be as simple as an hour in the chair bringing the mental focus back to alignment so that life is not grinding away on the edges of our mental well being until we have a blow-out with untold damage to others around us, as well as ourselves.

How will Brainwave Optimization sharpen your mental saw?

• It calms and quiets over active thoughts and areas where we carry our stress
• The research validated sounds soothe the brain and prime it for deeper sleep
• Balanced brain functioning has been shown to 
• lower heart rate
• decrease blood pressure
• calm anxiety
• increase mental focus for faster work and better performance at tasks
• Regulates hormone production
• Calms irritable bowels 

     SO, here's the offer.  If you call me and tell me that you read this, and that you are tired of being in denial and want to find balance, I will personally give you a 1 hour mental relaxation Brain Massage (not as gross as it sounds) session with the brand new, patented, 4.0 software that has a radically new sound and effectiveness for just $50.  YEAH, I know.  More denial.  These sessions are worth far more but HEY, It's Christmas and I want you to experience what balance and focus feels like.

     If you have already experienced Brainwave Optimization you know what it is like to have that focus and balance, and it does not take much to get it back sharper than ever.  If this is your first ever experience, you will feel a calm that is unparalleled.    As the holidays are a busy time for all of us and the available slots to do these sessions is limited, it is important that you act quickly. I'd call right now - 208-232-2263.

     I will make space available each week from now until the end of the year around my other clients and writing to meet with you if you call and schedule this session before Christmas Eve.  And yes, I will be here working that morning.  That is the kind of guy I am.  Do Not wait to long to take advantage of this offer.  Normally these sessions run from $85 - $170.  But I will do a 1 hour session for just $50.  And YES.  You can buy a couple slots.  So until you call and shatter my belief that we are all wondering around in denial, I'll just sit back and pretend that I am right here. 

Wishing you the greatest Christmas you have ever experienced.

Brett M. Judd The "Bong Bong Doc"

An Open Mind

819 N. 12th Pocatello Id.

208-232-2263

P.S.  Just because we like to make sure that everyone if balanced here at An Open Mind, I am going to allow you to share this offer with your friends and family.  Can you imagine what Christmas dinner might be like if "Weird Uncle Larry" was just a little more balanced?  

P.P.S.  IT'S 2013!!  If you are just now coming to this post and you want to experience the amazing 4.0 Brainwave Optimization tool, go ahead and give us a call or email us.  

208-232-2263  office@anopenmindcnb.com