Troweling the Garden

I recently had a conversation with a client that underscores the need for gentle nurturing when counseling. This person had recently under gone a very trying time and it was our first visit back afterward. He stated that he was scared and did not see what good could come from digging up old issues. Using a metaphor I have written on already here, I discussed the change process of weeding the garden or flower bed.

I drew a picture of a planting bed with little brown seeds scattered throughout the soil, each at varying depths. I discussed with him how certain of these seeds were so deep that they could not sprout and therefore could be left alone. I told him that I read somewhere (actually in a book about chickens) that it is healthier to only turn over the top six inches of soil when you prep a garden bed as you do not want to disturb those deep-lying seeds. Over time, with gentle tilling of the soil using a hand trowel, these deeper seeds might work their way up and when they do, they could be addressed. We then discussed how even the seeds that are within the top six inches do not need to be addressed if they are not actively creating problems and may not even be seen.

Speaking of our emotional "garden", we all have had seeds of belief, attitude, and behavior planted in us from every action done to us or by us, and every acquaintance we meet. (I am very mindful that the seeds I plant with a client are the very seeds that will shape the way my client views the therapeutic process.) Some of these seeds are deep and some are shallow. Every action we make is underscored by a belief, planted in us some time before its time of behavioral harvest. Some have sprouted and some lie dormant waiting for the time to blossom into their full potential. Not all of these seeds are unhealthy.

In my discussion with this client, I used this metaphor to help him see that not every past planting needs to be unearthed at this time and that some may need to be left alone. I further discussed how some seeds, like those of the morning glory, lie deep but their influence and fruit spread wide on the surface. For these, it is necessary that we trace each behavioral fruit back along its stem and to the root of it. In these cases there may need to be some deeper work, but only and always with the gentle action of a hand trowel and not a tiller.

Most seeds planted in our emotional garden are healthy. Only a few scattered into the landscape of the garden that must be weeded out. As spring is upon us, I hope that we all might take a chance to "weed" our garden.