EAT YOUR BUTTER!

Every day, we work with clients who have a broad range of emotional and mental issues.  Lately I have taken up the practice of asking them "when was the last time you had any butter?"  Not surprisingly nearly all respond that they "rarely eat butter and why would I ask that?" "Don't I know how bad it is for you?"

Actually, butter fats (short and medium chain fatty acids) and cholesterol are one of the vital elements to your brain health and function and when they are foolishly eliminated depression, memory issues, anger outburst, and possibly even Alzheimer's is the risk.  (http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2099/12/31/cholesterol-levels.aspx?e_cid=20121128_DNL_artTest_B6 )

"Cholesterol is Essential for Cellular Function

What this tells us is that cholesterol deficiency impacts virtually every aspect of your health. One of the primary reasons for this widespread effect is because cholesterol plays a critical role within your cell membranes. Your body is composed of trillions of cells that need to interact with each other. Cholesterol is one of the molecules that allow for these interactions to take place. For example, cholesterol is the precursor to bile acids, so without sufficient amounts of cholesterol, your digestive system can be adversely affected.

It also plays an essential role in your brain, which contains about 25 percent of the cholesterol in your body. It is critical for synapse formation, i.e. the connections between your neurons, which allow you to think, learn new things, and form memories. In fact, there's reason to believe that low-fat diets and/or cholesterol-lowering drugs may cause or contribute to Alzheimer's disease.³ Low cholesterol levels have also been linked to violent behavior, due to adverse changes in brain chemistry.

Furthermore, you need cholesterol to produce steroid hormones, including your sex hormones. Vitamin D is also synthesized from a close relative of cholesterol: 7-dehydrocholesterol.

To further reinforce the importance of cholesterol, I want to remind you of the work of Dr. Stephanie Seneff, who also works with Weston A. Price. One of her theories is that cholesterol combines with sulfur to form cholesterol sulfate, and that this cholesterol sulfate helps thin your blood by serving as a reservoir for the electron donations you receive when walking barefoot on the earth (also called grounding). She believes that, via this blood-thinning mechanism, cholesterol sulfate may provide natural protection against heart disease. In fact, she goes so far as to hypothesize that heart disease is likely the result of cholesterol deficiency — which of course is the complete opposite of the conventional view. "

Numerous depression clients have made fast and sustained progress through the addition of butter and Vit D3 to their daily diet.  Over 66% of the brain is composed of saturated fat and the protective covering over the neuron is made using cholesterol.

When the brain is fed what it needs it is able function.  Hydration, nutrient, exersize and sun all have a greater impact on depression control/elimination than anti-depression meds, without the side effects. " ... trials have repeated these results, showing again and again that patients who follow aerobic-exercise regimens see improvement in their depression comparable to that of those treated with medication" (http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1998021,00.html)

The next time your feeling a bit foggy in the memory, having a bout of depression, or are just worried about keeping your mental capacities for as long as you live, step outside and make some Vit D3 from the sun an your skin, drink a big glass of water, and add some butter to those greens.  Your brain (and heart) will thank you.

Can you tune my piano

A year ago I had a wonderful young autistic boy affectionately refer to me as the Bong Bong Doc.  I'll take that though I am not a Doctor, being able to see rapid and lasting change come to my clients is a real treat.

Four months ago I received a call from a young women asking if it was real.  "Does this really help with PTSD?  Will it help my boyfriend?" she asked.  She went on to describe to me a young man mid twenties who had served our country in Iraq and returned home angry, unable to focus, insomnia suffering, and plagued with persistent nightmares.  She was hopeful, maybe desperate.

I discussed with her the way that the brain is much like a grand piano with octaves (lobes) and frequencies (notes) ranging from very low to high.  I explained to her how (like that piano) time, use, and trauma can throw it out of tune.  We talked about the science of neuroplasticity and the remarkable way that the brain transitions itself from event to event throughout our lives adjusting to the myriad situations that it encounters, and that if those events are overwhelming enough, or long term enough, the brain will establish very strong patterns.

We talked about the piano I have at home.  It was my grandmothers before I bought it from her.  We had it inspected before buying it and it was found to be in good repair and relatively in tune for the number of years it had been without service.  We moved it from her house to ours down the several stairs leading to the street into my still and bouncy trailer.  Then we we moved it into our home and the only place for it was in direct line of the door.  Needless to say, shock of moving the instrument, the winter cold blasts, my daughters very active playing, and subsequent second move have left this piano with sticky keys and a very out of tune series of frequencies.

When I was able to meet this young man with PTSD and we did a brain mapping, his frequencies and lobes were very much out of tune.  He told me that he had done numerous treatments modalities with the V.A. and none seemed to fully help.  He was talking a serious medication to assist in his sleep, but he stated it knocked him out, but he did not feel he slept. The effects of fighting in a war had left him out of tune and unable to function.

Our sessions went great.  By mid way through his girlfriend stated they did not fight anymore and she noticed a much more relaxed and mellow manner about him.  By the end of our week together he slept through the night and was not in need of his medication to do so.

I spoke with this young man last night, and his girlfriend this morning.  He is doing GREAT.  After having to drop out of school last semester, he is attending classes and doing well.  He reports he still sleeps through the night and that his emotions are in order. His "piano" was out of tune from the prolonged heightened alert and repeated assaults he endured during his time in service.  The harmony and balance of the mental orchestra was lost and the result of this was increased anxiety, anger, and loss of the ability to sleep.  Nothing he had tried for the six years since returning had done any good to alleviate the distress.

I could go on.  Several bi-polar clients, numerous for depression, all sleeping better and functioning clearer than ever before.  Even as I type this I am working with a client that has embraced the idea of a regular "tune-up".  She has overcome numerous issues in her life and is excelling more at work, at home, and physically.  A recent surgery (trauma) has left her feeling out of tune.  A moment ago, she mentioned how amazing it is that the brain can be so resilient and responsive.  She has been visualizing the surgery and it lingering effects leaving her body as the harmonizing tones being delivered to her ears soothes and balances the brains functions and frequencies.

So often the question I get is, "will it work for me?" or "I have not been to war, what traumas have I endured?"  I simply reflect that while many are without the devastating insults brought on by abuse, war, and accidents, we are all like that piano and over time become out of tune.  Life has a way of working us over.  Stress in relationships, the loss of friends and family members, and just the day to day grind can make some of our octaves go flat.  Maybe we have a sticky key, a the pads on the strikers have warn thin and we tend to hit a bit sharp.  Most of us have at one time or another been to an orchestra concert and heard "the warm-up song".  everyone playing in disarray warming and tuning their instrument.  A finely tunes masterpiece of a cello or violin will still need to be honed in from time to time, and then before they ever strike a unified note, the orchestra tune their instruments to one another so that there is beautiful harmony and balance.  I can assure your that each of those instruments is meticulously cared for and lovingly nurtured by its owner.  Unlike our brain that is often forgotten yet sits at the center of all of our daily functions and regulations.  So, how do I answer that question, "will it work for me?".  I say is your brain any less vital than the 3rd violin of the orchestra?  It drives and controls everything we do.  It regulated our base functions of heart rate, blood pressure  breathing, bowel function.  Of course it will work for you, and even though you may not have been to war like the young man that started this whole piece, we have all been bounced down the stairs, haul in the trailer a few times, and battered by a few bitter cold winds from time to to.

To help with the understanding of this whole process and how it works I have loaded our webpage with information, videos, and opportunities to receive regular informational newsletters, and a personalized information packet just for you.  Go to www.anopenmindnb.com .  When you are ready to feel what a balanced and harmonized life is like, contact us for a brainwave mapping assessment and mini mental "massage".

Your piano man,
the Bong Bong Doc, Brett

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Shall we dance?

“I can never find you” said Bob to Alice as they stood in the living room. “What do you mean, I AM RIGHT HERE!” Alice replied.  “How can you ‘FIND’ me?”  “I see you, yes, but where are YOU.  Where is the connection?  I just want you, and I can never find you?” said Bob as he slowly slipped away into the back room and Alice stood there hurt and confused.

Sound familiar?  Most of us at one point or another, if we have ever been in a committed relationship have likely been on one side of this conversation.

This last week has been a repeat of this conversation for several of my clients.  A mother said it about her child who she fears she has lost.  A wife said it about her husband that she never seemed to be able to reach.  A son said it about his parents wondering when they will see him.  A soon to be ex-husband said it about his wife. Even I said it at one point, wondering how my wife and I can miss when we are right there and we are both aware of this dance.

Yes, it is a dance.  One leads, the other reacts. Bob stepped on the floor and Alice responded in step, each tugging and pulling the other in this whirling dervish that left them both dizzy and alone.  And in the end, Bob still did not know where Alice was, and both were still alone.  No matter how we look at the dynamics of any relationship the fundamental core is the need for connection, validation, and reciprocation from our partner.  These three fundamentals are the core to what Bob and Alice were asking. 

Connection is what Bob was asking for when he expressed his fear that she was gone.  “Where are you?” was really a statement of “I am lonely.  I need you.  I am afraid.”  Unfortunately the fear is what gets expressed and the underlying tone was like a wild polka starting when Alice heard them.  Feeling the pain and energy of his fear, she responded with a defensive “I have never left, I am still here, why can’t you see me?” Her hurt and sense of rejection lead her onto the dance floor gripping and pulling Bob in a fevered attempt to have him see her.  Her sharp tone-- tainted by the hurt-- digs at his desire for connection and he feels that she is further away when what he really wanted was for her to be close.  Her hurt that he feels she is distant has left her raw and instead of being open and vulnerable to say “here I am, come to me”, she protects the hurt by driving him away.

Validation is the cry of the young man I spoke with.  Recently returning from a time away from his home, he was seeking for the recognition that he was in fact doing well and that the things he had been working on were taking effect.  Also, he was so longing to be validated for the effort he had made that any reaction of fear and questioning by his parent felt more like rejection or lack of trust.  Standing on the dance floor, waiting for a partner, he calls to his parents “I feel like I am grounded!” when what he was calling out deep inside was, “Do you not see that I am doing well? Do you not trust me and can you please tell me I am wanted and loved.”  Likewise, the parents are circling the edge of the floor in fear and dismay saying “We are afraid that you will slip.  We are afraid you will leave.  We are lost because you are not the same little boy who left but a man now.  I do not know who you are” and they are saying it through restrictions in associations, activity, music, and denial that he has grown beyond the chronological age, but life experience has made him a man before his time, each desperately wanting the other, the son needing to hear his parents say, “Good job, we are proud of you, and even though I am scared for what the future holds, I love you.”  And the parents needing to hear, “I am home folks.  I have grown, but I am still here.  I need you, and I appreciate the fact that you care for me.”  Un able to speak these words, the three of them enter the dance in a sort of jitter bug like approach withdraw spinning and tossing each other until exhausted they leave the floor, never having waltzed. 

Reciprocation is the request from my soon to be ex-husband client.  Longing to engage with his wife in deep meaningful interaction, he often felt rebuffed and dismissed.  Never feeling like she was interested in depth, he often found himself alone, wandering into disappear when what he longed for was the reciprocal feeling of need that he had for her.  Her fear of never being able to fully grasp the depth of his thinking made her stay surface if she entered the conversation at all.  His desire to have at least one thing in common and to share deep connection with her left him longing and alone.  His hurt at being alone would come out in harshness, and she heard criticism and rejection.  Her fear of rejection-- coupled with her own sense of inadequacy--caused her to recoil and avoid him.  Slowly their dance led to the falling out of love and the collapse of the marriage.  For years they each chased each other around the floor like middle schoolers at their first dance, him wanting desperately to ask her to dance, and she fearing that he might. 

Connection, validation, and reciprocation work in harmony, like a fluid waltz where it is often hard to determine where the one partner ends and the other begins.  Connected at the hand and hip, the dancers move fluidly around the floor anticipating and succumbing to the will of the other.  As he leads, she follows.  As she responds, he embraces, and they twirl united.  For the dance to work, they must both be vulnerable enough to accept the offer to be partners.  They must remain open in that vulnerability as the embrace the moves of the dance.  Each step in harmony with the other validates the connection.  Even if there is a misstep, it is met with a warm embrace and an open vulnerability to accept the fault, and move on, never lingering in the past.  As the two engage the music and reciprocate the fluid and rhythmic ebb and flow, they are rewarded with the warmth and gentleness that the vulnerability provides.  Without reciprocation, the leader of the dance would be left wondering how to proceed.  If validation for the fluid movement and the unity in the dance is misplaced, they both will feel empty and as if they were better off off the floor.  All of this brings connection that is the longing and the desire for anyone who steps onto the dance floor.

This trinity of all relationships is the end result of regular and constant practice.  Moving onto the floor and off again with repeated vulnerability and sensitivity.  As we engage our partner in the dance, we find their rhythm.  We hear their need, and we respond to the words not spoken.  Reflecting and validating the inner, unstated need in order to extend our connection and engagement to them.  Each turn of the dance pulling them in closer and finding new steps that were never known before. 

How do we remain vulnerable?  How do we reflect what is not spoken?  How can we engage when our partner pulls away?  Through the releasing of ourselves into the embrace of our partner.  By accepting our children for the growing, budding adults  that they are.  By embracing the hurt and the fear and calming it through our own fears.  Through reflection and acceptance of the hurt in our partner, and not allowing our own hurt to blind us to the inner need we each share.  Normally the hurt we feel is our own fear that our partner is not there for us.  If we reassure them that we have not left them and we acknowledge them for the fear and hurt they express, they become softened and we remain open.    

One powerful tool to keep each engaged in the dance is the simple and effective “I” message.  “I am afraid when I hear you cannot find me and what I really want is for you to come to me and tell me you need me” or, “when I see you slip away into the computer I think you do not want to be bothered so I leave you alone.  I want to engage with you but what I really need is to know that it is okay for me to come near”, each statement making a definite statement of need and each coming from the honest and personal “I” position.  It expresses our vulnerability.  It shows our openness, like a puppy that lies on its back willingly submitting to you for a rub.  When we remain connected, validating, and reciprocating, our partner is able to feel our vulnerability and the dance change, our steps unite, and the closeness we seek is realized.  One particular “I” message is the reflection and validation of the partners expressed fears and hurts without attacking with a “you”.  “I hear you are hurt and wish that I would be close. I understand that when I become quiet, I feel far away from you.”  This simple statement can be all that is needed to change the music and alter the dance.  When we engage our partner in a step that is out of the norm yet comforting, they can feel connected and invited to change the step.  A word of caution.  If the new step throws them for a loop, do not go back to the old dance.  Recognize that you have change the dance, altered the pattern, and that can be distracting and upsetting as the balance of what is known and what is “comfortable” changes.  This is a good thing.  Just reflect it again with an “I” message. 

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Surviving the Holidays sane.

As we head into the holiday season with Thanksgiving starting it off tomorrow, I want to post some Law Enforcement days holiday survival tips that will make any gathering enjoyable and sane.

1. Pre-Plan. If you know that weird Uncle Larry will be there again this year, as he is every year then instead of getting all worked up and afraid (AKA angry and upset) about what he might do, make a plan fo

r what you will do when he does do his thing. This can be a simple as deciding ahead of time what conversations you want to start and who you will focus your time with. Have pre planned exits and a back up partner for if you get trapped with him. When I worked in Probation and Parole, we never went into an arrest or search situation with out pre-planning the exit strategy and what we would do if things went wrong.

2. "What If's". If you think them through you will know what to do. By thinking through the worst case scenario and seeing yourself getting through it and how to get through it, the mundane family weirdness will be a breeze. Often when I was a P.O., while walking the halls or driving in my car I would play out worse case scenarios with other officers and we would have work to come up with a non-violent solution for the worst case event. No situation is out of line for these practice drills and the more realistic the better.

3. Strategy. By now, you have been to enough family and work gatherings that you know what will happen when Uncle Larry gets a bit too much eggnog. Work with co conspirators to make a plan of action that will ensure that your time at the party will be great. Except for the blind side events (see the above entry) we always had a plan of attack when entering a home, making an arrest, or conducting a search. There was always a back up team, always a pre plan meeting, and always an exit plan.

Take what you know and work a plan that will make the worst case hard to happen. If you know that Uncle Larry and Aunt Sally are coming, and they always do, AND you know they have a different idea of allowing self determination in their parent child interaction (AKA THOSE KIDS ARE OUT OF CONTROL). To avoid this have set of activities and expectations for the kids. Establish a kids area. And, talk to the adults and make sure they are on the same page. Finally address this directly with Larry and Sally. They need to know that the event will be managed and that they are expected to work within the "rules". There is no reason to be worried about making someone upset if they are the reason that everyone else will have a miserable time.

4. Choose your outcome. Yes it is possible to decide ahead of time to have a good time regardless. Here are some tips to plan your outcome.

Decide to not be offended. Crazy as it seems, we can decide not to be offended by the folks you stress about. Truth is, you already know who will be offensive, what conversations will be off putting and what the contentions will be. So just plan to work around them and not get involved. Simply asking "is this really worth my time and energy?" or "Does it really matter to me?" can make all the difference at the end of the event. "Will it make my life any better to engage in this issue?" is a powerful question to determine the worth of the engagement.

Choose what you want to experience. Decide ahead of time what it is that you want to take away from the gathering. By defining your course, you define your outcome. An ancient philosopher said, "If you do not have an end port in mind, no wind is the right wind". Meaning, if you have not chosen your destination and outcome, it does not matter how you are blown about. Choosing before the gathering what you will and won't engage in will define the way you look at the chaos.

Finally, ask yourself the very important question, "why does it matter to me, and what can I do about it?" Having some personal self reflection can enlighten you to the underlying reason the Uncle Larry is so weird for you or why it is that his kids make you crazy. Why when the ultra liberal relatives start talking about politics do you feel that you have to engage. Will you change their point of view? Absolutely not and they will not alter yours, so that is a great time to just say, "I see your point, I understand how you feel. I am going to go wash dishes." We only have to engage in things that we chose to and no one forces you to engage in a conversation that you do not wish to be in. Choose your end port, and choose your wind.

I hope that you have a great Thanksgiving and a magical Christmas.

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Ridicule never was a good motivator

Public ridicule and shame will never be a powerful change agent. While it is fun and mirrors the Facebook viral images of the sandwiched boarded child proclaiming "I'm a thief", these methods do little to instill a sense of empowerment, pr

ide in the accomplishment, and desire to try harder next time. The reality is, these tactics for change instill into the child sense of futility, fear in trying, and many times a seeking safety in mediocrity.

Instead of a face painting of the losers, this teacher could easily have had a teared prize/reward system based on score. Everyone receives a level of praise dependent on their accomplishment, and those who did not reach the highest are not shamed for their "failure" but are rewarded and encouraged for what they did do.

So, three things to take away from this -

1. Praise the attempt and accomplishment first.
2. Do nothing that shames and ridicules the attempt at success (recognize that success is individual and not always a test score)
3. Use the scores to regroup, seek growth opportunities, and encourage growth.

http://www.kboi2.com/news/local/Declo-Idaho-Face-Painting-Students-News-179377761.html

3 a.m. wake up. At least I hope they wake up.

The words we say and the tone we use combine to make either the most powerful healer or the greatest destroyer known to man.

Rudely awoken to the sound of a call at 3:00, the voice on the line said, "good-bye, I love you." Facebook posts indicated a potential suicide pack and the fears ran high that there was a loss of life this morning. It is not the way you want to begin any day.

The problem in this situa

tion is that it did not need to be this way. Words spoken, tone taken, and attachments destroyed have left a young teen shattered and lost. Comments like "you don't want to be like X" have further stigmatized the way this youth sees them self.

As parents, friends, and even employers, the way that we choose to interact with someone has more impact on them than we can ever know. And the sharp negative times have deep and lasting impact that could have been avoided with just a simple shift and personal insight.

It is true that during any interaction with another human, particularly one whom we have an intimate connection with or any perceived authority over, there will be times of let down, fear, and hurt. But this fear and hurt can not be allowed to shape you interaction with the "offending" person. In fact, the harsher we are and the sharper our confrontation, the less it is to do with the other person but the more it is to do with our fear and hurt. The responsibility lies in the hands of the parent or authority figure more then the subordinate to interact in such a way that the "offender" is not deeply wounded.

What is needed and in fact demanded in these times is compassion, redirection, and support. Even when the mistakes of the "offender" were the cause of the issue at hand, to beat them over the head with that failure only deepens the sense of failure already brewing in the heart and mind of the child (spouse, employee). When we approach the event as a learning opportunity and a chance to instill hope and resilience, we have done greater good to the child than to have belittled, berated, and verbally beaten them. Even blunted sly sarcasm has the sharp cutting edge of the swiftest sword.

Here are 3 things that you can always do in the moment that will keep you positive and focused on the needs of the child and not your fear.

1. Acknowledge your own inner fear and recognize what it is doing to you before you engage with the child (spouse, employee)

2. Praise the child for their efforts and the good that they have been doing, before your express your concern.

3. Use I statements when reflecting the areas of improvement or ways the child has let you down.  For example, "You have been doing a very good job in making it home very close to curfew.  I am concerned that you have not yet embraced the importance of being home on time.  It shows me that you are becoming more responsible that you have been so close to on time lately."

This morning ended with the declaration of "It was only as joke", but what about next time? Who will be listening and will they hear the cry that was screaming through the text and cell lines at 3:00 a.m. this morning?