Identify these 5 things and find success.

Last week, the focus was on the idea that properly written goals will amount to far greater success.  The fact is that goals are only a part of the problem in success barriers.  In this post I will expose 5 fundamental barriers that when you identify yours, you will have identified your path to success.

• What do you believe about success and what you are allowed?

What you are allowed is often a strange idea to clients seeking success help, but the reality is that many of us carry a status ceiling that we are held under.  It dictates the amount of effort and the amount of work we will exert in the accomplishment of a particular goal. 

Some years ago, I was talking with a client about success, goals, and where she wanted to be for income and possessions.  She said to me that “She did not see herself as a “Mercedes girl”.  I had never heard this term before, or since, but it exposed the underlying belief that there is a status ceiling and she did not feel she fit above it.  When she realized that she had established this class barrier, she realized that she had not allowed herself to excel beyond a certain level.

By examining what we truly believe about what we are allowed, we begin to unlock the door through the ceiling. 

• ·         Our belief about what others think of us will build barriers to our achievement?

What we think others believe about us has an even greater impact on our success than what we believe about our self.  If you have taken on the belief that others expect you to live a certain way, remain in a certain class/status, or will judge you for trying to achieve anything beyond a certain position, you will likely be stopped by the barriers that you believe are placed around you.  These barriers often are established within us, and are a reflection of our own inner belief, but we project them onto others.  If there is ever an instance that supports the belief, i.e. never getting picked first to be on the popular kick ball team in grade school, or never getting chosen to sing a solo in high school choir, can instill a belief about how others perceive you that will carry on for years.

• ·         What is the return (pay value or threat) for making the change?

As strange as it may sound, we often need our current issues in order to maintain a certain amount of status.

For example.  I was working with a man some time ago who had a real goal and need to lose weight.  It had come to a point that he could no longer ignore this.  His weight however, had become a sort of status.  He carried it well and so while looking heavy, you could not tell how fat he really was.  He was used to being known for his stature, and this size was a sort of status for him.  When he continually sabotaged his success in losing weight, I pressed him on the question, “what does my size give me, or what will I lose if I lose the excess weight?”  The reality that he continually allowed the threat of losing status in the eyes of others by losing his size was a hard reality for him to accept but it changed the way he saw himself, and allowed him to actually begin losing the weight. 

The harsh reality is that this is not uncommon, and many are trapped by the belief that they need their issue in order to have purpose, friends, acceptance, etc.  Often we are blind to the idea and many will ardently reject the fact that we will carry certain traits and beliefs if they give us certain return, either positive or negative.  Until we are ready to accept this and find a new pay value, we will remain unsuccessful.

• ·         What do I need?

All action and belief is based on need.  Not needs like food and shelter generally, but needs for social and emotional connection, needs for variety in life, and needs for control.  In order to fully understand why we act in a certain way or avoid specific things, we must spend an honest moment and asking the question “why?”.  “Why do I xx when xx?”.  The answer to the “why” may be the most important answer you can ever receive as to the barriers that hold you where you are.  When you know why you are where you are, why you do what you do, and why you believe what you believe, you can finally make the type of changes that are vital to real change.  In the examples above we see various examples of the “why”.  To remain large met my clients social need and need for acceptance. 

The inverse of this is also true.  To deny yourself social and economic growth due to the rejection of the past can also be based on need.  Our need for safety and control can dictate that we do not try harder than we belief safe when social rejection has implanted a notion that we are not good enough, or worthy of certain things.  Additionally, some goals have been cast off do to the fear associated with the achievement.  Some success may bring a change in lifestyle, friends, and associates.  If these changes are too far outside of a comfort zone and if there is not enough support for the change, the need for safety will derail the change.

• ·         What support do you have?

As unfortunate as it is, many of us do not have the social supports needed to make the changes we desire.  Any combination of the above social pressures can combine with the lack of support or downright rejection of the goals by those close to us.

When I chose to move away from my Professor position and go it on my own, there were those who were very supportive and then there were others who made comments such as a snarky “good Luck” and “I’m scared for you’.  Perhaps well intended, but the message was one of limited trust and support. 

When you make your goals, the most important thing you can do after all the above, is to associate yourself with individuals of a like mind and drive.  Mastermind groups, mentor meetings and our success coaching are all ways to find like minded and supportive people to surround yourself with.  The old adage, “We move toward and become like that which we think about most” is very true, and the people you surround yourself with will make the most impact over the long run.

May you find great success in all you do today.

Brett

P.S. do you get our newsletter?  You really should.  Monthly news and information to advance you life.

P.P.S. Don't miss out on the opportunity to get one on one success coaching and brainwave balancing sessions to ensure your success.  Check it out here and how you will receive free services in the process. Check out my video regarding my Brain Focus session yesterday on YouTube.  

Are you crazy? What if you fail??!!”

“Why would you ever want to do that?  Are you crazy?  What if you fail??!!”  “What are you, a Satan worshiper?!”

By Brett M. Judd

When I was growing up there were really three options for future careers in the small town where I still live, the fertilizer and phosphate plants west of town, the railroad, or the university.   Steady regular blue collar safety of union protection or the liberal minded academic oddity that is the university.  Anyone who ever really wanted to “succeed” got out of town, and quick.  Those few who stayed behind and were successful at making their own way outside of the safety and security of the union or the state were often talked about in the back corners as being crooks, cheats, the oddity, or worse. I actually endured a conversation where it was touted, “the only reason that “Mr. Gold Digger” has the cash he has is because he is a Satan worshiper.”  REALLY??  The only way that this man could ever be successful is to have joined the ranks of Satan.  The story was so fantastic that he was supposedly having sacrifice ceremonies every Saturday night and then serving as a leader to a local Christian congregation the next day. The constant reminder to me growing up was “get a good job where there is a regular check every two weeks, annual vacation time, and a retirement system that will let you quit at 55 and play the rest of your life.”  Beyond that was the underlying notion that “anyone who attempts success doing the thing that they love and are good at, that is not under the umbrella of one of the ‘safe’ employment options must be greedy, selfish, foolish, and wicked.”  WOW.  And all this time I was getting told “achieve, be what you want, succeed”, quite the contradiction.

So here I am many years later and I just cut free the shackles of nearly 20 years of being reliant on an organization or agency to provide the safety net for me.  Yeah, I did it.  I settled for the safety of a state job for the last 16 years.  Is it scary to be free and on my own?  ABSOLUTLEY!!  But more than that it’s rewarding. This is what I have wanted for years, but was too afraid to step out of the social mold cast by my surroundings.  I thought that I was just too afraid to try, too afraid to be independent, too afraid that I would have to start raiding chicken coops on Saturday night to offer my weekly homage for a week’s success.    

TOO AFRAID TO SUCCEED!
 As we embark into the beginning of our 5^th year in business, having let go of the safety of the university, I have come to realize that the question wasn’t “am I too afraid to fail?”  No the question was “am I too afraid of success?”  HOW CRAZY IS THAT?  Am I too afraid to succeed? Who is afraid of success?  The answer is MOST of us.  Yes, that’s right.  Most of us are too afraid to succeed.  Too afraid of the responsibility, the work, and maybe even too afraid of the social outcry – “Who do they think they are? They must think they are better than us.” Or worse, “did they sell out to an unearthly power for that success?”

“I’m afraid I’ll lose my independence”
I had a conversation a few years ago with a self employed person who was always struggling to meet financial demands and the stresses of retirement savings.  What he told me was that he were afraid to be more successful because of the time it would take away from his freedom to do the things they enjoyed doing.  “REALLY!?” I said in my head.  “You are complacent to stress, worry, and fear the future and lack of money, but you do not want to reach a bit higher and earn more now at the expense of some free time?”  The fear of losing independence now was apparently far greater a risk than losing any self sufficiency in later years.

“I’m afraid of the responsibility”

Whether it is the responsibility to provide your own retirement, your own health care, or whatever it is, many are trapped into a life that is not fulfilling because they are too afraid of the responsibility it will require for self sufficiency.  Often this fear of responsibility is also covering the fear that “I am now the one that has to perform in order for success to happen.”  And “I am too afraid of the responsibility to maintain this success.  What if it crumbles?  Then what will they say?”

“What will THEY say?” 

The best response to that is who cares what they say. THEY  live only in our head.  Most often it is “what will I say to myself, about myself, if I do not achieve success or lose it once there?”  Our only real accountability is to ourselves, and at the end of the day can we honestly say that we gave it a one hundred percent effort?  That we did ALL we could with what we had to succeed.  Even if that success is in the comfort of a union or state job with the trappings of benefits, vacation, and retirement, did you succeed to the fullest potential and are you striving for more?

The main reason I started this topic for the first of the year, and created the Success Coaching opportunity (see it here) is that when we have decided to be more than we have been, it is critical to surround ourselves with like minded and supportive people.  That is why AA/NA, Weight Watchers, and myriad other support groups have lasted for so long.  Who do you hang around?  What is there attitude?  What do they think about anyone who aspires for more?  The water cooler conversation has more impact on our belief about our ability and whether or not it is okay to succeed than nearly anything else.  Incorporating coaching, support groups, and changing our social network may be the very thing that we need to finally reach our fullest potential.  Truth is, that is why I had to leave the comfort of the University.  While they talked about research and writing they did not value the writing and teaching that I want to do, or the message I have to give.  Journals and “scholarly” books do not change lives.  In order for me to have the freedom to make do the work I feel I need to do, I had to change my surroundings.  Maybe the one thing that is keeping you from achieving the greatest success in your life is where you have chosen to settle in.

As we head into a new year and new opportunities, I hope that we will all adopt an attitude of “It is okay to fail as long as I fail trying my hardest, and I get up again to succeed the next time.”  Set your sights and goals high and stretch to reach for them.  Do not let yourself settle for the easy to reach middle rung.  No one gains from mediocrity.  You are great! and may the New Year bring greatness through your losing any fear of success.

Permission to fail - GRANTED. Carry on

When you lose your fear of failure you will gain your ability to fly.  Brett

Part 1

By Brett “The Bong Bong Doc” Judd

I said yesterday that today I would unlock one of the greatest success secrets that impedes nearly all individuals, in all walks of life.  This one notion has likely been the cause for more unachieved goals and unrealized successes than anything other notion in human history. In fact, it is the one consistent theme that I hear over and over when I am in a counseling session, or when I am talking to someone about the real and lasting change the can come to them from Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization.  But before I get there, I want to tell you a story.

I was sitting with a client who had really been struggling for a long time with a particular issue.  We had danced around the edges of it for so long that I really thought we were in some kind of wild polka.  Every turn and every twist was met with the same repeating theme.  This pattern was so worn-in that I really began to question whether I had it wrong and there really was no answer.  I was coming to a point that I had no more analogies, no more sage introspection  because everything I tried was attacked with the same resounding retort. I was stumped until he finally opened up and let me understand the wall that we were hitting.  The crazy thing is it was the exact same thing that I had dealt with in myself, and with one of our daughters.

For two years in a row, our family attended Philmont Scout Camp in New Mexico for training and fun.  It was great.  While either my wife or I was in training for the various Scout programs we ran, our kids were off adventuring and having a great time.  One day my group was doing some team- building experiences near the High COPE course, which my daughter’s group was attempting.  She was all strapped into a harness and ready to climb the 40-foot tower that led to a 300-foot long zip Line.  She was terrified.  In fact she was so scared she had frozen to the ground before she had ever even touched the pole she was to climb.  When I saw her, I was instantly taken back to an experience I had several years before on a similar COPE course.  I wrote about it in this post here.  She was having the same, instantaneous, will-stopping thought pattern that I had had, that my client was having, and that nearly all people on this planet have had until we learn to overcome this universal belief. 

I can only imagine what the world would be like today if others had not overcome this success-halting belief.  What would it be like if Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong had frozen to the launch pad with these same thoughts?  Every rocket before them had exploded either just after liftoff, or on the pad.  No one would have blamed them to have let this though stop them then and there.  But, like these two, there are plenty of examples of successful people who have overcome this belief and have set an example for us that we need to follow.

When I went and talked to my daughter, and, when I stood at the base of the 40-foot pole I wrote about, and when my client kept dancing around the issue and discrediting any potential option, we all parroted the same thing, “WHAT IF?”   That’s it.  That is the single most detrimental thought that keeps us from stepping into our own capsule and launching to the moon.  “What if it doesn’t work?”, “What if I fail?”, “What if I’m rejected?”, “What if…?” have ended more great successes than any other belief.

“What if..?” is at the core behind test anxiety, fear of job hunting, and asking that perfect someone to prom or just even to a movie.   “What if I say something stupid?” or “What if she/he rejects me?”, and perhaps the most behavior stopping one of all “What if I fail?” have all been danced around in that frenzied polka so often that the dance floor is getting thin.

Think for a moment what the world would be like today if the thought “What if no one wants a personal computer at their desk?”, or, “What if no one really wants a handheld device that connects them to anything in the world with the tap of the finger?” And, what if two brothers who made bicycles had decided that since every other person who attempted to fly had failed, that they just kept on making bikes?   The PC, Apple, i“Everything”, and flight all came from the determination to let go of “What if…” and just do.

So, what is it about the “What if…” that makes it so powerful? What is it that keeps feet securely planted on the ground even if we have seen others before us do the thing we want to do?  It is as if we are all so positive we are different from anyone else, so special that the rules and averages do not apply to us, that we assume we are the one that it won’t work for.  When my daughter stood at the base of the pole ready to climb to the top and ride the zip line, she was not the first of her group to attempt it, and the evidence was right in front of her that she was safe and capable, yet the “What if” kept her grounded.  No, it isn’t arrogance and a sense of being so different that keeps us grounded.  It is the fear of being SO different that it won’t work for me, and “I will fail!”

 Anyone who has ever come to the batter’s box, the free throw line, stepped onto a wrestling mat, or even gone to an interview has faced this dilemma.  “What if I strike out?” “What if I miss?” “What if I don’t get the job?”  It is this fear of failure and the shame, humiliating, and loss that keeps us from attempting to achieve great things.  And the hardest truth is that the very same notion is the very thing that will unlock the total success when we overcome it. “What if… I succeed?” Now that is an interesting take on the “What if … “, and it alters the entire paradigm.  More on that in a minute…

                Why is it not okay to fail?  What really will be the damage?  And, where on earth did we get such a debilitating belief? We are taught it by teachers, by coaches, and by parents.  Yesterday’s post discussed the power of constructive motivators and the idea of “When” not “IF”.  I discussed the problem with inhibitive and restrictive motivation.  These are so prevalent in the raising of our children that the underlying belief of “Failure is not an option!” becomes ingrained in the psyche.  Too many times the short-sighted focus of looking at the potential demise is so debilitating that we do not see the potential for when we do succeed.  And we are so blinded be the notion of failure that we do not see the avenues of success all around us.  Imagine a school where students are praised for giving a full and total effort and going out on a limb to try something new – even if that exploration was a complete failure.  Consider the work environment where projects and ideas could be explored with full support regardless of the potential outcome.  Every time we took a test after giving it our absolute best effort in study, practice, memorizing, and application, and we are handed a less than satisfactory grade.  And every time we show that grade to important people in our life (parents) who then chide, berate, ridicule, or punish based solely on the grade – the outcome – our desire to attempt anything beyond complacent mediocrity is instilled.  Because we are so focused on the outcome and not the attempt in the praise and reward system practiced in our society, personal vulnerability and “What if IT DOES WORK?” are not developed.  Every time a goal is written and the potential outcome is considered it is cloaked in the remembering of every test failed, balls missed with the back, times we were pinned in the match, and how the only thing that was seen was how not the vulnerability of the attempt, but the unsatisfactory outcome.  It is this training from every attempted success in our past that shapes the “What if …“ today.

I am not talking about the “Everybody is a winner” Cub Scout Pinewood derby where you get a gold star for showing up.  I am talking about the type of environment where it is seen as a time for review evaluation and regrouping when we receive an F on a test, not grounding from certain privileges (though that might be warranted if the process review shows more time gaming and Facebook than actual study).  The attempt and process is more important than the outcome in most cases. 

I know it is all well and good for the next generation and hopefully the parent reading this who will begin to raise an “Edison.”  Thomas Edison attempted to create a better light bulb and it took him over two years and numerous “failures” in the process. Of this process he is quoted as saying:

·         "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.", and

·         “If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward."

If we were to apply this same mentality to failure as Edison, the Wright’s, and so many others we would see far greater successes in all of our goals and desires. 

            By granting ourselves permission to fail, we grant ourselves permission to try.  It is this internal permission that will allow us to push past every coach, every teacher, every school yard taunt, and every harsh word we still carry from all of them.  When we adopt the belief that if is okay to fail, we adopt the ability to say, “What if it does work?”, “What if I do … ?”.  It is this permission to fail that allows people to run for office, to open a business, and even write a blog.  It is the permission to not only fail but the recognition that a failure is only a reflection on the plan so that the plan can be revisited.  It does not always mean that the goal is bad, only that our approach and our tools were not effective.

            That is why at An Open Mind we are writing this blog and offering Success Coaching plans.  Sometimes the only thing that really stops us from getting beyond the “What if I fail?” is the company we keep or the voices we are listening to.  Through our goal analysis email’s we look at the format and structure of the goal to assure that it is written in a way that will maximize success.  During the personal consultation sessions we discuss the progress and process in order to understand the revisions that need to happen in order to meet the goal.  And in the blog posts and Friday noon web meetings we offer helpful advice and counsel based on real life experiences that will propel you beyond the ordinary resolution experience.  When you look at it, the $125 that it would take a month to get started on the path to a new and better you is really small.  PLUS, I’ve knocked off nearly $100 from the regular price if booked out by the 15^th of January.  If you do not follow this link and grab your coupon for the savings, you will likely miss out on a great deal and potentially not achieve the success you want.

                Sometimes, there is more going on than just a belief.  That is why in the coaching package I am including Brainwave Balancing focus sessions.  For some of our clients, these sessions have reviled very distinct patterns in the brain that are also causing barriers to success.  Weight loss, drive, happiness, and even relationships can all be hampered by imbalances in the brainwave patterns.  Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization is THE BEST OPTION for anyone really wanting to make lasting changes and have the most advantage possible for success.  If you have never experienced it, you are missing out.  If you have and have not been back for a boost or “Brain Massage” session, you are denying yourself the full potential the tool can provide.  Especially with the completely updated system.

Our 13 week success program is a sure fire way to guarantee you will have the most successful year ever and a greater life to come.  “What if it works?”  That is my question for you.  What if it works and really provides the mental and emotional freedom you need to succeed?  Only you can answer the question and decide why you do not want to have every advantage in this troubled world.

                Tomorrow, in Part Two, I will discuss a companion “What if… “ that has stopped many from ever stepping onto the success track, and you will likely be surprised when you read it.

Till then,

Brett “The Bong Bong Doc” Judd

P.S.  My daughter did climb that tower and she did launch herself off onto the wire of the Zip Line.  You see, like the rest of us with “what if … “ fears, she was forgetting that the harness she was in was attached to ropes, that were attached to a team of supporting friends who would not let her fail.  That is what Success Coaching is all about.  Gathering a team of open minded and focused supports who will do everything they can to see you succeed. That is why I believe that this offer is the right way to start your year. $100 in free coaching success help is sitting on the table waiting for you to grab it.

P.P.S.  Don’t miss the very first Friday Success Chat on YouTube. If you go to http://www.youtube.com/user/AnOpenMindNB?feature=mhee and subscribe to us, you will get notifications of new posts.    Add us at Google + AnOpenMindNB https://plus.google.com/u/0/100775656746347022036/posts  to be linked to notifications and get direct links to the events.  See you tomorrow at noon. 

The more specific your goals the more likely you are to not achieve them. Just be S.M.A.R.T. about it.

The more specific your goals the more likely you are to not achieve them. Just be S.M.A.R.T. about it.

By Brett “The Bong Bong Doc” Judd

When I mentioned this blog post idea to my wife this morning, she got that “look”.  You know, the one like a Labrador gives you—one brow raised and the head twisted to one side. But the fact is, the more specific and absolute you make your resolution or goal, the more variables there are that will knock you off track. If that is your reaction, you will want to read the rest and know that to assist you have success this year, we are giving over $100 in free services.

                So this is what I am talking about.  This morning on the radio, my favorite D.J., Liza Raley, was discussing how to make a resolution that will work.  She said it had to be specific and gave the example “I will lose 5 pounds a month and look great in my swim suit this summer.”  Unfortunately, this type of affirmation/resolution will be met with disaster in less than 3 months.  Here is why.

1.        The control and regulation of how much weight the body will lose is not in our control.  The way that the body will react to a change in diet, a change in activity, and the stress that comes from this change will outweigh any control we believe we have on the process.

2.       The first weight loss is generally easy.  A five pound a week drop for two weeks is not unheard of, but when the body has to begin burning off long-term stored fat, it is harder to achieve a specific weight target.

3.       Lean mass and fatty mass weigh differently and will alter the way the scale reflects your progress.  Unless you are just going without food and forcing the body to waste off fat and muscle, there will be a conversion from fatty mass to lean mass.  If you are including exercise and diet in your plan, it is realistic for a person to lose three pounds of fat but gain a pound of muscle in one week.  The scale would only show a two pound drop – less than half the goal. If the goal is to look good in the swimsuit, then adding lean muscle mass would enhance the look, but will alter the way the scale reflects your progress. So, only focusing on pounds lost would indicate a failure to reach the goal of five pounds lost per week, increasing stress, and impacting motivation.

4.       The goal is not time - limited with a specific target date.  “To look good in my swimsuit this summer” is an arbitrary end time. Does this imply the first of June or the end of August?  Because of this undefined deadline, focus and energy cannot be maintained indefinitely.

If you are reading this with the same skeptically twisted head and raised eyebrow as my wife had this morning, you’ll want to keep reading.  Because there are very specific and powerful ways that you can meet the swimsuit goal.

These methods place the control in your hands and eliminate many of the barriers and uncontrollable issues that will arise.  These non-specific specifics follow the S.M.A.R.T. model of goal setting.  These are:

1.       S Specific.  The goal must state a specific task of behavior that you are in total control over.  In the weight loss example, I have shown that you are not in control of the specific pounds lost, but you are in total and absolute control over some things that will affect the weight loss. This type of specific goal could look like this:

a.       I will exercise every day.  Note that a length of time or the type of exercise is purposely not stated.  This allows for unforeseen barriers like illness, work schedule, travel, etc.  No matter where you, are you can always find a few moments to do push-ups and sit-ups, or planking. This flexibly rigid goal language allows you to adjust the routine, but still meet the goal.

b.      I will eat foods that are best for my body in the proper portions and at times when my body needs them.  This example again models a plan that is flexibly rigid.  Learning what is right for your body is more powerful and nourishing than a specific diet or food.  Eating when your body needs to and in portions it needs, will keep your insulin and leptin levels balanced allowing the body to burn fats instead of storing calories as fats (read more on this here).  This also allows you the flexibility to be able to go to a business lunch, or eat with friends and not be worried about having the “right” foods.

2.       M Measurable. To maintain the energy needed to continue past the first 2-3 weeks of any goal, there must be a way to measure success and track the progress.  Not only will this maintain motivation, it will also inform you as to the effectiveness of certain variables.  It is important to determine what variables you will be measuring in your quest for success in your goal attainment.

a.       I will track my progress and success daily and weekly by keeping a food dairy each day, and weigh and measure each week including body fat testing.  This tracking allows you to determine how effective you have been at maintaining the goal behavior, and how they have been able to effect the change you desire.  Another measure that might be added is a satisfaction scale to determine how much satisfaction the meals are, the work outs have been, etc.

3.       A Attainable.  The goal that you are seeking must be attainable in the time frame that you are seeking to complete it in.  If I am 50-60 pounds over an ideal beach body, I need to seriously consider the safety and reality of being ready for a bikini or a Speedo in the next 6 months (or ever, in my case).  Beyond things such as length of time and the target of the goal, other aspects of attainability are the physical and mental barriers that stand in the way. Weight is a matter of brain function and balance as much as it is a matter of diet and exercise. We have seen many of our clients who complete Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization begin losing weight as the brain balancing allows the body to regulate itself.

3.a.  An alternative A is Accountability.  Being accountable to someone is a major success factor for many goals.  Without reporting progress to someone who will hold you accountable and establish action oriented plans for achieving the goal, it is too easy to lose sight of the goal. To assist you to have success this year, we are giving over $100 in free services.
Follow this link or see more below. http://app.greenrope.com/coupon.pl?c=444c6d9fdbc1e73b80da4c6ce909216c

4. R Realistic and/or relevant.  Very similar to attainable, the goal must be relevant to your current situation.  It must also be realistic.  There are things that we would like to do, and then there are things we can do within certain time frames and certain parameters (like me in a Speedo).  We must be realistic in the expectations in order to maintain hope and energy.

5. T Time limited. The shorter the better!  To say, “I will work out every day and eat according to my needs for 6 weeks” is a definite time and does not become daunting or never-ending.  A goal that is too long range will lose its meaning after a while.  Keeping the goal time-limited will make it attainable and realistic.  At the six week mark you can then evaluate your progress and establish a new goal.  These short bursts keep tension on the goal as well.  If the goal is too long term, it is easy to think you have lots of time and so you never really get started.

In order to assist our readers in achieving their New Year’s resolutions and goals, we offer these free daily blogs and public Friday noon-time web meetings.  For more accountability and personalized success, we also offer private and personally focused success coaching sessions that will provide goal evaluation and revision by email, face-to-face or web chat consultation sessions, access to the Members Only data base, and a 45 minute brainwave balancing mental focus session.  When purchased individually these services are over $200, but for a very limited time, we are holding open a few slots at the ridiculously low price of $125.  For over two hours of personal, professional coaching, this is an unheard of bargain and can set you off on the right foot to make even more than your investment in the first few weeks of the New Year. The coupon link below is only good until January 15, 2013, so do not delay.

This is what you will receive:

HALF-PRICE SUCCESS COACHING WITH BRAINWAVEW BALANCING SESSION

AMAZING SAVINGS and guaranteed success in making 2013 your best year ever.

What you will receive for a small $125 investment in your success.

·          1 email-based goal and affirmation review session with analysis and recommendation.  Includes one follow up email.

·          1 30-minute face-to-face (or web-based video) conference.

·          1 45-minute brainwave balancing mental focus session at An Open Mind Pocatello, or in Idaho Falls at Integris Integrative Medical Center.

·          Access to the Members Only Success Coaching resource web page. Full of videos and articles focused on establishing change and success in every area of your life.

·          1 audio success CD focusing on topics and techniques to establish real change.

Total value of this package is $224.95 when purchased separately. 

Claim one of the very limited coupons here.
  http://app.greenrope.com/coupon.pl?c=444c6d9fdbc1e73b80da4c6ce909216c

Tomorrow I will address a notion that many overlook when setting goals and making resolutions—the fact that we all fail in these endeavors. I will address the idea that it is okay that we fail in these endeavors, and that we should plan for—and anticipate that we will fail.  If that does not excite you to read more, I don’t know what will.  So until tomorrow, here’s to your success – and failure.

Brett “The Bong Bong Doc” Judd

Resolutions will always fail...

Resolutions will always fail if this one rules is not followed.

       I saw a post this morning from a friend who stated that he resolved that he “would not eat ketchup anymore”.  I instantly thought, “I give him 2 weeks.”

       This language "I will not ... ", "I won't ... " will always be met with rapid failure and short lived success.  Negative focused affirmations have never had the staying power that a positive focused statement has.  

There are two motivators that drive each and every one of us. Inhibitive/restrictive and constructive.  When ever we are compelled to change due to restrictive or inhibitive means - "you cannot", "you won't", and "I can't", we are removing the pay value and the incentive from the process.  The constructive "I choose not to", "I will ...", and "It gives me ?? when I ... " are all based on powerful internal motivators that provide action and purpose.  The more personal we make the pay value, the more driven we will be to achieve the change.

        For example, if I want to have my son clean his room, I must first figure out a way to make my desire his.  He must have “buy in” for the change.  If I am exerting my will onto him, he will not have the internal energy to do the job. The same is true for each and every one of us. When we attempt to be motivated, to alter a behavior, through some form of coercion or negative talk, we have missed the critical component that will ultimately change us over the long term. Change that is driven by negative motivation or restrictive constraints, is change that runs out of gas quickly because it only seeks to remove a threat. If the threat is levied heavy enough against my son, he very well may clean his room due to the coercion and anticipated loss if he does not.  That burst of fear driven energy has no lasting endurance.  It is like trying to stay awake and driven on caffeine rushes when what your body wants is sleep and nutrition.  

     When I was a felony probation officer I continually faced the dilemma of finding ways to encourage my probationers to make the life changes the Judge had ordered.  Initially, all of them came in very focused and driven to change because they did not want to return to jail, or hated coming to see me, or many other reasons. But all were negative and pain based.  I found that the motivation and the drive usually lasted no more than 3 months. Then the drive for doing the change for someone else, or to avoid a specific outcome, ran out of steam. It was only when we were able to find the pay value that moved their inner desire that we were able to develop goals and resolutions that had any lasting effect.

     Returning to the idea of getting my son to clean his room, when I attach the request/expectation to a true desire that he has, and I frame it in a constructive manner, the likelihood of having the room clean is increased.  It is far more positive and motivating to say, "I will take you to the movie (that he has really wanted to see), WHEN your room is clean" than the inhibitive "IF you get your room clean, you can have ..." and even more demotivating “IF you do not clean your room I will/you’ll lose/etc.”

     Two distinct differences in the example above establish the foundation for writing a powerful goal and affirmation.  The first is the subtle difference in the meaning of WHEN and IF.  To use the WHEN is to create the assumption that it will happen.  It implies a belief and an optimism that the thing is going to happen.  Any goal that is effective in creating real and lasting change must be seen as so real that it truly will happen.  Anytime we use the IF we immediately imply a belief that there is doubt in the outcome.  I will address the doubt and escape routes in a future post.  But for now it is enough to say that we must remove the “if” in order to create success.

     The second and perhaps the most powerful difference is the intrinsic pay value based on a true desire.  To establish a goal based solely on the restrictive and inhibitive means that we are working for someone or something else’s desire.  I have client who is struggling with overcoming a behavior that has cost him much in his life.  In the beginning the notion was that “I have to quit in order to get her to stay!”  Noble, but it has not created the change that is essential for lasting change when faced with the stress that triggers the behavior. Not until that becomes “I X when I feel X, because it gives me X” will there ever be lasting change associated with the positive and rewarding satisfaction that “the effort was for me because I wanted it”.

     If this were my affirmation and resolution for change in the coming year, I would first establish the WHY.  Without knowing why we want to change we will never exhibit enough energy to actually succeed.  The WHY must also be framed in the positive. Losing those 20-40 pounds that have been nagging at you, or actually beginning a storage and self sufficiency program in your home are wonderful desires and for them to have the energy to endure you must find the internal reason that you want it.  To say that the Doctor has warned me that I am developing diabetes or heart disease, or I am afraid of my government and must take care of myself are insufficient reason to sustain your desire to change. These restrictive reasons for change only create energy until you are sick of salads and you smell the burgers frying as you drive down main street.  

     Examples of positive, constructive motivators might be, "I feel healthy and have energy when I am fit."  And, "I care for my family by ensuring we have the resources needed to be self sufficient". These statements have personal meaning and real potential. Later I will specifically address the reason for the openness and perceived non specific nature of these statements and why these will result in better change than any other option.   For your New Year’s resolutions to have any lasting power, the number one place you must start is in defining the pay value and removing the “won’t”.  No lasting change has ever been established from a position of restriction.  Find your personal why and you are beginning to form the basis of lasting change.

See you tomorrow, Brett.

P.S.  Don’t forget to schedule yourself for the Friday Google Hang-out.  12:00 mountain time.  This interactive discussion will help to sharpen and hone your resolutions for lasting outcomes.  Here is your link to join the hang out.  https://plus.google.com/events/c1n2cqjtspjsrdids7rlim1i6hs  While there be sure to add us to a Google + group so that you get all of the notices of coming Hang-outs. 

P.S.S. Be sure to take advantage of the excellent opportunity I am extending.  Success Coaching is personal one on one help and accountability for establishing a sure footing in your change process.  Below is a link to receive a very valuable coupon to receive nearly 2 hours of personal attention for the 1 hour rate.  Since these slots are limited, ACT FAST to assure you get the support you need to make 2013 your best year yet.

Want help and a focused ear?  

As a special offer to readers of this blog, I am offering a special package to enhance your success and make sure that you are setting goals that are attainable, meaningful, and realistic, with all the tools you need to succeed.

For $125 a month, you will have email goal and affirmation review/editing, 30 minute coaching session either in person or via web meeting, access to audio and video training resources to hone and focus your desire to change and 1 45 minute brainwave balancing focus session a month.  Individually, these items would run as high as $250, but to assist our readers in their change goals for the coming year, we will do all this for just $125! That is over 2 hours of personal and profession attention to get your year off on the right foot.

Not in our area? Not a problem!  You can still take advantage of the coaching and resources portion of the offer and we will increase the amount of coaching you can receive. 

As this is a significant savings from our normal rates, there are a limited number of available slots.  Be sure to sign up quickly.  Sign up before the January 15^th. These services will still be offered, but at our normal rates and subject to availability.

 This link will take you to the coupon that will allow you to receive these discounts.

http://app.greenrope.com/coupon.pl?c=444c6d9fdbc1e73b80da4c6ce909216c