Permission to fail - GRANTED. Carry on

When you lose your fear of failure you will gain your ability to fly.  Brett

Part 1

By Brett “The Bong Bong Doc” Judd

I said yesterday that today I would unlock one of the greatest success secrets that impedes nearly all individuals, in all walks of life.  This one notion has likely been the cause for more unachieved goals and unrealized successes than anything other notion in human history. In fact, it is the one consistent theme that I hear over and over when I am in a counseling session, or when I am talking to someone about the real and lasting change the can come to them from Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization.  But before I get there, I want to tell you a story.

I was sitting with a client who had really been struggling for a long time with a particular issue.  We had danced around the edges of it for so long that I really thought we were in some kind of wild polka.  Every turn and every twist was met with the same repeating theme.  This pattern was so worn-in that I really began to question whether I had it wrong and there really was no answer.  I was coming to a point that I had no more analogies, no more sage introspection  because everything I tried was attacked with the same resounding retort. I was stumped until he finally opened up and let me understand the wall that we were hitting.  The crazy thing is it was the exact same thing that I had dealt with in myself, and with one of our daughters.

For two years in a row, our family attended Philmont Scout Camp in New Mexico for training and fun.  It was great.  While either my wife or I was in training for the various Scout programs we ran, our kids were off adventuring and having a great time.  One day my group was doing some team- building experiences near the High COPE course, which my daughter’s group was attempting.  She was all strapped into a harness and ready to climb the 40-foot tower that led to a 300-foot long zip Line.  She was terrified.  In fact she was so scared she had frozen to the ground before she had ever even touched the pole she was to climb.  When I saw her, I was instantly taken back to an experience I had several years before on a similar COPE course.  I wrote about it in this post here.  She was having the same, instantaneous, will-stopping thought pattern that I had had, that my client was having, and that nearly all people on this planet have had until we learn to overcome this universal belief. 

I can only imagine what the world would be like today if others had not overcome this success-halting belief.  What would it be like if Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong had frozen to the launch pad with these same thoughts?  Every rocket before them had exploded either just after liftoff, or on the pad.  No one would have blamed them to have let this though stop them then and there.  But, like these two, there are plenty of examples of successful people who have overcome this belief and have set an example for us that we need to follow.

When I went and talked to my daughter, and, when I stood at the base of the 40-foot pole I wrote about, and when my client kept dancing around the issue and discrediting any potential option, we all parroted the same thing, “WHAT IF?”   That’s it.  That is the single most detrimental thought that keeps us from stepping into our own capsule and launching to the moon.  “What if it doesn’t work?”, “What if I fail?”, “What if I’m rejected?”, “What if…?” have ended more great successes than any other belief.

“What if..?” is at the core behind test anxiety, fear of job hunting, and asking that perfect someone to prom or just even to a movie.   “What if I say something stupid?” or “What if she/he rejects me?”, and perhaps the most behavior stopping one of all “What if I fail?” have all been danced around in that frenzied polka so often that the dance floor is getting thin.

Think for a moment what the world would be like today if the thought “What if no one wants a personal computer at their desk?”, or, “What if no one really wants a handheld device that connects them to anything in the world with the tap of the finger?” And, what if two brothers who made bicycles had decided that since every other person who attempted to fly had failed, that they just kept on making bikes?   The PC, Apple, i“Everything”, and flight all came from the determination to let go of “What if…” and just do.

So, what is it about the “What if…” that makes it so powerful? What is it that keeps feet securely planted on the ground even if we have seen others before us do the thing we want to do?  It is as if we are all so positive we are different from anyone else, so special that the rules and averages do not apply to us, that we assume we are the one that it won’t work for.  When my daughter stood at the base of the pole ready to climb to the top and ride the zip line, she was not the first of her group to attempt it, and the evidence was right in front of her that she was safe and capable, yet the “What if” kept her grounded.  No, it isn’t arrogance and a sense of being so different that keeps us grounded.  It is the fear of being SO different that it won’t work for me, and “I will fail!”

 Anyone who has ever come to the batter’s box, the free throw line, stepped onto a wrestling mat, or even gone to an interview has faced this dilemma.  “What if I strike out?” “What if I miss?” “What if I don’t get the job?”  It is this fear of failure and the shame, humiliating, and loss that keeps us from attempting to achieve great things.  And the hardest truth is that the very same notion is the very thing that will unlock the total success when we overcome it. “What if… I succeed?” Now that is an interesting take on the “What if … “, and it alters the entire paradigm.  More on that in a minute…

                Why is it not okay to fail?  What really will be the damage?  And, where on earth did we get such a debilitating belief? We are taught it by teachers, by coaches, and by parents.  Yesterday’s post discussed the power of constructive motivators and the idea of “When” not “IF”.  I discussed the problem with inhibitive and restrictive motivation.  These are so prevalent in the raising of our children that the underlying belief of “Failure is not an option!” becomes ingrained in the psyche.  Too many times the short-sighted focus of looking at the potential demise is so debilitating that we do not see the potential for when we do succeed.  And we are so blinded be the notion of failure that we do not see the avenues of success all around us.  Imagine a school where students are praised for giving a full and total effort and going out on a limb to try something new – even if that exploration was a complete failure.  Consider the work environment where projects and ideas could be explored with full support regardless of the potential outcome.  Every time we took a test after giving it our absolute best effort in study, practice, memorizing, and application, and we are handed a less than satisfactory grade.  And every time we show that grade to important people in our life (parents) who then chide, berate, ridicule, or punish based solely on the grade – the outcome – our desire to attempt anything beyond complacent mediocrity is instilled.  Because we are so focused on the outcome and not the attempt in the praise and reward system practiced in our society, personal vulnerability and “What if IT DOES WORK?” are not developed.  Every time a goal is written and the potential outcome is considered it is cloaked in the remembering of every test failed, balls missed with the back, times we were pinned in the match, and how the only thing that was seen was how not the vulnerability of the attempt, but the unsatisfactory outcome.  It is this training from every attempted success in our past that shapes the “What if …“ today.

I am not talking about the “Everybody is a winner” Cub Scout Pinewood derby where you get a gold star for showing up.  I am talking about the type of environment where it is seen as a time for review evaluation and regrouping when we receive an F on a test, not grounding from certain privileges (though that might be warranted if the process review shows more time gaming and Facebook than actual study).  The attempt and process is more important than the outcome in most cases. 

I know it is all well and good for the next generation and hopefully the parent reading this who will begin to raise an “Edison.”  Thomas Edison attempted to create a better light bulb and it took him over two years and numerous “failures” in the process. Of this process he is quoted as saying:

·         "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.", and

·         “If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward."

If we were to apply this same mentality to failure as Edison, the Wright’s, and so many others we would see far greater successes in all of our goals and desires. 

            By granting ourselves permission to fail, we grant ourselves permission to try.  It is this internal permission that will allow us to push past every coach, every teacher, every school yard taunt, and every harsh word we still carry from all of them.  When we adopt the belief that if is okay to fail, we adopt the ability to say, “What if it does work?”, “What if I do … ?”.  It is this permission to fail that allows people to run for office, to open a business, and even write a blog.  It is the permission to not only fail but the recognition that a failure is only a reflection on the plan so that the plan can be revisited.  It does not always mean that the goal is bad, only that our approach and our tools were not effective.

            That is why at An Open Mind we are writing this blog and offering Success Coaching plans.  Sometimes the only thing that really stops us from getting beyond the “What if I fail?” is the company we keep or the voices we are listening to.  Through our goal analysis email’s we look at the format and structure of the goal to assure that it is written in a way that will maximize success.  During the personal consultation sessions we discuss the progress and process in order to understand the revisions that need to happen in order to meet the goal.  And in the blog posts and Friday noon web meetings we offer helpful advice and counsel based on real life experiences that will propel you beyond the ordinary resolution experience.  When you look at it, the $125 that it would take a month to get started on the path to a new and better you is really small.  PLUS, I’ve knocked off nearly $100 from the regular price if booked out by the 15^th of January.  If you do not follow this link and grab your coupon for the savings, you will likely miss out on a great deal and potentially not achieve the success you want.

                Sometimes, there is more going on than just a belief.  That is why in the coaching package I am including Brainwave Balancing focus sessions.  For some of our clients, these sessions have reviled very distinct patterns in the brain that are also causing barriers to success.  Weight loss, drive, happiness, and even relationships can all be hampered by imbalances in the brainwave patterns.  Neuro-Balancing with Brainwave Optimization is THE BEST OPTION for anyone really wanting to make lasting changes and have the most advantage possible for success.  If you have never experienced it, you are missing out.  If you have and have not been back for a boost or “Brain Massage” session, you are denying yourself the full potential the tool can provide.  Especially with the completely updated system.

Our 13 week success program is a sure fire way to guarantee you will have the most successful year ever and a greater life to come.  “What if it works?”  That is my question for you.  What if it works and really provides the mental and emotional freedom you need to succeed?  Only you can answer the question and decide why you do not want to have every advantage in this troubled world.

                Tomorrow, in Part Two, I will discuss a companion “What if… “ that has stopped many from ever stepping onto the success track, and you will likely be surprised when you read it.

Till then,

Brett “The Bong Bong Doc” Judd

P.S.  My daughter did climb that tower and she did launch herself off onto the wire of the Zip Line.  You see, like the rest of us with “what if … “ fears, she was forgetting that the harness she was in was attached to ropes, that were attached to a team of supporting friends who would not let her fail.  That is what Success Coaching is all about.  Gathering a team of open minded and focused supports who will do everything they can to see you succeed. That is why I believe that this offer is the right way to start your year. $100 in free coaching success help is sitting on the table waiting for you to grab it.

P.P.S.  Don’t miss the very first Friday Success Chat on YouTube. If you go to http://www.youtube.com/user/AnOpenMindNB?feature=mhee and subscribe to us, you will get notifications of new posts.    Add us at Google + AnOpenMindNB https://plus.google.com/u/0/100775656746347022036/posts  to be linked to notifications and get direct links to the events.  See you tomorrow at noon.